Murphy's volunteer bushfire brigade laws

  • Don't look conspicuous. When you’re dealing with the public it draws stupid questions. Back on Station it draws Crew Leaders
  • There is always an easy way
  • The easy way usually results in more damage done than less or is blocked by a large, pissed off dog who hasn't eaten in a week
  • When dealing with the public try to look unimportant, They may go and find someone else to ask that stupid question to
  • Falling trees have the right of way
  • Uniforms only come in two sizes, too small and too large
  • If your Captain can see you then so can the public
  • Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it. Instead, worry about the falling tree addressed, "To whom it may concern"
  • If orders can be misunderstood, they have been
  • It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps
  • Crew Leaders, not GOD, make priorities. There’s a difference
  • Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
  • Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do
  • Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake
  • One Crew leader is never enough but two is entirely too many
  • A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain
  • The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it
  • The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired
  • Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
  • Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will and self - starters won’t
  • The item of equipment that usually won’t start or jams when you need it the most is the pump
  • You aren't Superman
  • If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid
  • The important things are always simple
  • The simple things are always hard:
    Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases
  • Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything
  • The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out
  • The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command
  • Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching
  • As soon as you are served hot food in the field, it rains
  • If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution
  • CHAOS = Chiefs have arrived on scene
  • Captain on location with heavy panic showing
  • Chiefs are like diapers, always on your ass and full of shit
    The last three laws were sent by Sean
  • Burning materials that require extinguishing by powder or gas will be treated with water.
    Sent by Shlomo Targan
  • NFPA = Not For Practical Application
  • Fireman proof - isn't
  • If you forget to bring gas with you, your saw will run out as soon as you make the roof
  • Once your saw dies you realize you and your partner failed to bring an axe
  • Your rope may be rated to 9,000 pounds, your hardware to 12,000, but your back will fail at 3 times your body weight
  • It doesn't matter how long the engineer has been on the job - if you didn't check your gear, it hasn't been checked
    Last six laws were sent by - Firefighter/Paramedic