Murphy's volunteer bushfire brigade laws
- Don't look conspicuous. When you’re dealing with the public it draws stupid questions. Back on Station it draws Crew Leaders
- There is always an easy way
- The easy way usually results in more damage done than less or is blocked by a large, pissed off dog who hasn't eaten in a week
- When dealing with the public try to look unimportant, They may go and find someone else to ask that stupid question to
- Falling trees have the right of way
- Uniforms only come in two sizes, too small and too large
- If your Captain can see you then so can the public
- Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it. Instead, worry about the falling tree addressed, "To whom it may concern"
- If orders can be misunderstood, they have been
- It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps
- Crew Leaders, not GOD, make priorities. There’s a difference
- Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
- Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do
- Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake
- One Crew leader is never enough but two is entirely too many
- A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain
- The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it
- The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired
- Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
- Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will and self - starters won’t
- The item of equipment that usually won’t start or jams when you need it the most is the pump
- You aren't Superman
- If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid
- The important things are always simple
- The simple things are always hard:
Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases - Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything
- The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out
- The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command
- Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching
- As soon as you are served hot food in the field, it rains
- If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution
- CHAOS = Chiefs have arrived on scene
- Captain on location with heavy panic showing
- Chiefs are like diapers, always on your ass and full of shit
The last three laws were sent by Sean - Burning materials that require extinguishing by powder or gas will be treated with water.
Sent by Shlomo Targan - NFPA = Not For Practical Application
- Fireman proof - isn't
- If you forget to bring gas with you, your saw will run out as soon as you make the roof
- Once your saw dies you realize you and your partner failed to bring an axe
- Your rope may be rated to 9,000 pounds, your hardware to 12,000, but your back will fail at 3 times your body weight
- It doesn't matter how long the engineer has been on the job - if you didn't check your gear, it hasn't been checked
Last six laws were sent by Tango7 - Firefighter/Paramedic
