Murphy's Computer Laws

Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any given program costs more and takes longer each time it is run.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.
A program's value is inversely proportional to the weight of its output.
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Every non-trivial program has at least one bug.
Corollary: A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it has no bugs.
Corollary: At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another 'unrelated' part is modified.
The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
Corollary: A subtle bug will modify storage, masquerading as another problem.
Lulled into Security Law: A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.
A hardware failure will cause the system software to crash, and the customer engineer will blame the programmer.
A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely, and the programmers will blame the customer engineer.
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, unlike detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
Adding workforce to a late software project makes it later.
Allow programmers to write programs in English. You will find that programmers cannot write in English.
Documented interfaces between standard software modules will have undocumented quirks.
The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
A working program has only unobserved bugs.
No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
You will not have enough disk space when you finally buy enough memory.
Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more disk space. Data expands to fill any void.
If a program fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is guaranteed to crash.
If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for a critical moment before it crashes.
All constants are variables.
Constants aren't.
Variables won't.
The most important leg of a three-legged stool is the one that is missing.
99% of all statistics are false.
A computer's attention span is only as long as its power cord.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
To err is human, but to foul things up requires a computer.
He who laughs last probably made a backup.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
The biggest cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Ethernet always takes longer than you expect, even when you consider the fact that Ethernet always takes longer than you expect.
Real programmers don't comment on their code. It was hard to write; it should be hard to read.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day. If you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime.
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
The number of bugs is proportional to program size and complexity.
Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction, from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction that doesn't work.
A program is never finished; it's abandoned.
The most likely source of bugs in your program is your program.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
No matter how good a deal you get on computer components, the price will always drop immediately after the purchase.
All components become obsolete, and the speed at which they become outdated is directly proportional to their price.
Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
The maintenance engineer will never have seen a model like yours.
Any VDU, from the cheapest to the most expensive, will protect a twenty-cent fuse by blowing first.
If a circuit requires n components, there will be only n*1 component in locally held stocks.
A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection.
A program generator creates programs that are more buggy than the program generator.
All Constants are Variables. Sent by Risto Matikainen
Constants aren't. Variables won't. Sent by Hnathoo
A part dropped from the workbench will roll to a degree of un-reachability proportional to its importance. Sent by Neal Buddenberg
In a transistor circuit protected by a fuse, the transistor will always blow to protect the fuse. Sent by Neal Buddenberg
The best way to see your boss is to access the internet. No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access the internet.
The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital information that has not been backed up. Sent by Charles L. Mays.
Computers don't make errors — What they do, they do on purpose. Sent by Terry Jaster.
If Murphy's laws are true, how can I log onto this site and submit? [connection reset — error message 928]. Sent by Paul Breen.
Gumption's Law: Any problem, no matter how complex, can be found by simple inspection.
Corollary: A nagging intruder with unsought advice will spot it immediately.
Sent by Ray Geist, who found it handy when debugging computer code.
Each computer code has five bugs, and this number does not depend on how many bugs have already been found (it is conservative). Sent by Andrew.
Profanity is one language all computer users know. Sent by Jeff Webb.
The number of bugs always exceeds the number of lines found in a program. Sent by Yaron Budowski.
The most ominous words for computer users: "Daddy, what does 'Now formatting Drive C 'mean?" Sent by Yael Dragwyla.
When putting something into memory, always remember where you put it.
Every non-trivial program contains at least one bug. Every non-trivial program can be simplified by at least one line of code. The conclusion of the last two laws: Every non-trivial program can be simplified to one line of code, and it will contain a bug. Sent by Brandon Aiken.
An expert is someone brought in at the last minute to share the blame. Sent by Bassey Essien.
Debugging is at least twice as hard as writing the program in the first place. So if your code is as clever as you can make it, then by definition, you're not smart enough to debug it. Sent by Brian Kernighan.
Bahaman's Law: For any given software, the moment you master it, a new version will appear. Sent by Bahaman.
Yakko's addition: The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most. Sent by Yakko.
Patches don't. Sent by Doru Tasca.
Most computer errors can be attributed to a similar problem - a screw loose behind the keyboard. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
The network is down whenever you need a crucial file from the server. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
Your computer will crash whenever you need a crucial file from your hard drive. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
E-mailed tasking will always come just before you log off. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
A quarantined virus will be opened. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
A chain letter will be sent. To global. A dozen times. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
The chance of a virus infecting your network is directly proportional to the amount of damage it does. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
The chances of getting out of work on time are inversely proportional to how many emails the boss leaves until the end of the day. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
The faster you need a hard copy, the more people will use the only office printer. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
General Fault Errors are the "Check Engine" light of computers. If they can be fixed, chances are you do not cause them. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
A patch is software that replaces old bugs with new ones. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
The chances of a program doing what it's supposed to do are inversely proportional to the number of lines of code used to write it. Sent by Ryan Sylvester.
The probability of forgetting your password is directly proportional to the frequency of changing it. Sent by Zain.
No matter how fantastic your latest and greatest PC is, you can buy it for half the price in 12 months. Sent by Zain
The longer it takes to download a program, the more likely it is that it won't run. Sent by Skwirl.
Failure is not an option; it's included with the software. Sent by Paul.
A program is good when it's bug-free, which is never. Sent by Hans van Rijsse.
If you forget to save your work every 5 minutes, it will break down after you've been at it for an hour. Sent by Eric Guilbault.
It's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature. Sent by Jim Kirk.
The time it takes to complete a software project successfully is directly proportional to the Marketing input. Sent by Jim Kirk.
Corollary: Marketing should not be located in the same city, much less on the same campus as Engineering and/or Programming. Sent by Jim Kirk.
According to most Tech Support people, the most common user error message (regardless of Operating System) is ID 10T. Sent by Jim Kirk.
End-users' Corollary 1: Most application failures occur between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. on Sunday nights, with a project deadline of 6 a.m. Monday. Sent by Jim Kirk.
End-users' Corollary 2: On the graveyard shift, there's no Tech Support to hear you scream! Sent by Jim Kirk.
Bugs mysteriously appear when you say, "Watch this!" Sent by Bill Smith.
Corollary: The bug will disappear if you call another programmer to see if he knows what's wrong. Sent by S. Bussell.
Corollary: The bug will reappear once the other programmer returns to his seat.
The probability of bugs appearing is directly proportional to the number and importance of people watching. Sent by Bill Smith.
An employee's rank is in inverse proportion to his use of a computer, and in proportion to its performance. Sent by Dan Wasson.
The only program that runs perfectly every time is a virus. Sent by DaRk_jAcKaL.
If a project is completed on schedule, it wasn't debugged properly. Sent by Kiran.
Non-Crash Operating Systems - aren't. Sent by Kiran.
The worst bugs in your program will show up only during the final review. Sent by Kiran.
The people who say computers are easy to use are the same people who tell you how to build a watch when you ask what time it is. Sent by Jack Betz.
Philington's First Law: If it works, it's production. If it doesn't, it's a test. Sent by Philip Partington.
Philington's Second Law: Real programmers don't comment on their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read. Sent by Philip Partington.
Format C: fixes all. Sent by Ron Westby
Corollary: rm -rf does it better.
Law of Computer Generated Aerodynamics: Computers suck. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Recycling: A computer on the market for 6 weeks is still usable as a boat anchor. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Anti-security: The best way past a pesky security feature is a 13-year-old. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Acceleration: A computer that has surpassed its user's frustration capacity (FC) will accelerate downwards at 9.8 meters per second squared. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Computers let you waste time efficiently. Sent by Jim F.
Make a system even a moron can use, and a moron will use it.
If you create a system that requires training or intelligence, only a moron will use it, but there will be more help desk calls.
The only thing worse than an end-user without a clue is an end-user with a clue, usually the wrong one.
The likelihood of problems occurring is inversely proportional to the amount of time remaining before the deadline. Sent by Niels Hageman.
You will always discover errors in your work after you have printed/submitted it. Sent by Niels Hageman.
90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers. Sent by Emanuel.
'Illegal Error' messages only happen when you forget to save your work. Sent by Abdul Mohsin.
If you make the letters in your Word document bigger and then print it out, you'll have everything on the first page and only one line on the second. Sent by Nadine.
The OEM did not manufacture the part you need to replace. Sent by Bryan Lord.
You'll need a new one when you use your new computer. Sent by romanaround.
A person who normally does not use that portion of the program will find the first bug in a new release, but was wondering why he couldn't do something he normally would not do. Sent by Rick G.
Millions of people believe they are animals, but I have yet to meet one who believes in Windows' stability. Even human stupidity has limits. ;-) Sent by Sylvain Galibert.
The troubleshooting guide contains the answer to every problem except yours. Sent by Jesse Janowiak
Corollary: If the troubleshooting guide has an answer to your problem, it will always be the last solution you will read.
Corollary: the chances the answer will solve the problem are inversely proportional to the gravity of the problem.
Plugins Law: Whenever you install a group of plugins one by one just to find out which one can make your software work, you either haven't gotten the right one, or have accidentally skipped the right one, or it has become the last one installed. Sent by Laudney Ren
Whatever the computer problem is, it's Microsoft's fault.
Corollary: If it's not Microsoft's fault - Blame them anyway :-). Sent by Andrei Keren
The Hyung Jin Lee Law of File Downloading:
The risk of disconnecting from the Internet is directly related to the file size, the Internet connection speed, and the percentage of downloaded files.
The risk of a computer crash is directly related to the file size, internet connection speed, disk size, disk free space, the age of the computer, and the percentage of the file downloaded.
If the file did download, the probability that it is useless or invalid is directly proportional to the file size. Sent by Hyung Jin Lee
Corollary: The probability of a power fluctuation is directly proportional to the download percentage. Sent by Sagar Kalantre
You'll always receive an email from a website you have never visited. Sent by Christian C.
75% of the Murphy’s Bug Laws can be applied to Microsoft Windows. Sent by Christian C.
Corollary: Any version. Sent by Christian C.
Auto Correct - isn't. Sent by Alegna.
Microsoft Excel - doesn't. Sent by Alegna.
If you need to shut down your PC ASAP, it will restart. Sent by Pliaskos
The quickest way to shut down a PC is to unplug it. Sent by Pliaskos
Corollary: ACPI shutdown (sometimes faster to get to than the plug) does not always work. Sent by Stravag.
Corollary: ACPI shutdowns will fail frequently when you risk being caught doing something. Sent by Stravag.
No matter how big a hard drive you buy, you'll need to double it in a year. Sent by Pliaskos
A complete computer breakdown will happen shortly after the maintenance person has left. Sent by Jan Wenall.
A virus is erased when the hard drive crashes, making it useless for an antivirus program to fix. Sent by Mitch.
The problem always exists between one keyboard and its respective chair. Sent by Capt_ Anderson.
A program that compiles on the first run has an error in the algorithm. Sent by Iavor Dimitrov.
Edward V. Berard Law: Walking on water and developing software to specification are easy as long as both are frozen. Sent by Andre Van Dun
The smaller your email account, the more junk mail you will get. Sent by Mark.
The boss will always come to your workspace when you accidentally open an adult link. Sent by Mark.
The more pop-up screens you have, the more likely the boss will come by. Sent by Mark.
A computer is only as smart as the person using it. Sent by Michael Horvath.
If it ain't broke, Overclock it. Sent by Michael Horvath.
If you're in a hurry, your computer will crash, a hard drive will become corrupted, or your files will be erased. Anyway, you're screwed if you have a deadline. Sent by Logan
Software Reliability: Investment in software reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors. Sent by Bill Pramik.
Computer sadism: When the computer causes physical or mental damage to a person and can't receive such a return favor (due to management rules). Sent by Stravag.
Computer masochism is when a computer takes all the abuse you think you can give it and continues working as it should. Sent by Stravag.
The sound of grinding metal or the sight of smoke coming from a case warns you that you are trying to do too little with too little. Sent by Stravag.
The survivability of a system is directly proportional to the price of the cooling system applied to it and inversely proportional to the amount of use it sees. Sent by Stravag.
Antivirus systems only effectively work on viruses after they have passed their prime. Sent by Stravag.
The scariest of viruses is the virus you do not know is already there. Sent by Stravag.
The amount of damage a string of code can do is inversely proportional to the length of the string. Sent by Kit Balmer.
You only receive instant messaging when working on a project that is due instantly. Sent by Keith.
When designing a program to handle all possible dumb errors, nature creates a dumber user. Sent by Rich Spencer.