Murphy's photography laws
- You are not Ansel Adams
- Neither are you Herb Ritz
- Automatic Cameras - Aren't
- Auto Focus - won't
- If you can't remember, you left the film at home
- No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting
- When in doubt, motor out
- If a photo shoot goes too smoothly, then the lab will lose the film
- If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid
- Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Client is watching
- The most critical roll of film is fogged
- If you forgot, then you did not rewind the film
- Photo Assistants are essential, they give photographers someone to yell at
- The one item (batteries, film, and ect.) you need is always in short supply
- Interchangeable parts aren't
- Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls
- Weather never cooperates
- Everything always works in your home, everything always fails on location
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
- The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitzer
- Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be
- There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work
- Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do
- Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't
- No photojournalist is well dressed
- No well dressed photographer is a photojournalist
- Professional photographers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs
- The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions:
-when animals are ready.
-when you're not.
- Same rule just substitute children
- Client Intelligence is a contradiction
- There is no such thing as a perfect shoot
- The important things are always simple
- The simple things are always hard
- Flashes will fail as soon as you need them
- A clean (and dry) camera is a magnet for dust, mud and moisture
- Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it
- The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
- The lens that falls is always the most expensive.
- when you drop a lens cap, the inside part always lands face down in the mud.
- Bugs always want to land on the mirror during a lens swap.
- Your batteries will always go dead or you will need to put in a new film canister at the least opportune moment.
- Your batteries will always go dead during a long exposure (so with the shutter open).
- When you shoot the night away and never have to stop. Your film did not roll on to the take up reel.
Sent by Les Benton
- Camera are designed with a built-in sensor, that senses the anticipation to develop the film.
When the level of anticipation is highest, this sensor causes the back to flip open exposing the film.
Sent by Takura Razemba
- Lenses are attracted back to their source - hard rocks.
The more expensive the lens, the greater the attraction.
- No matter how long you've had a convention for marking film holders, you will forget it - when exposing the once-in-a-lifetime shot.
- Safelights - aren't.
- The greater a photographer's excitement, the greater its chance of fogging film, scratching prints, and deleting files.
- The success of an assignment is inversely proportional to the product of its importance and the number of people watching.
- Strobes only explode when lots of people are watching.
Strobes only work when there is nobody else to see.
The last six laws and corollaries were sent by Jason Antman