Murphy's miscellaneous laws

Rental laws

  • Movies that are not available on video are the ones you want to see.
  • A library book will always be checked out when you want to get it.
  • Any movie at your local video store will always be rented out when you want to rent it yourself.
    Rental laws were sent by Robert Van Sile

Printing Laws

  • Your print job is always behind the Largest Print job in the Queue.
  • If its about to print, The printer will get jammed.
  • When they fix the paper jam, it will be out of Paper.
  • When you get the paper, it will be out of toner.
    Printing Laws were sent by Vinicio Fajardo

Copiers laws

  • The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

Sports laws

  • If you'll watch your team during a crucial game they will lose.

Repairmen laws

  • A week before Thanksgiving, your dishwasher breaks. The Whirlpool parts the repairman ordered arrive the day before Thanksgiving. Problem is your dishwasher is a Maytag. Too late to order the correct appliance parts.
    Sent by Daphne Stevens
  • The rate of instrument failure/breakdown is inversely proportional to the ease of finding a repairman.
  • Hammer laws
    Any instrument can be used as a hammer, the more delicate or expensive the instrument, the better hammer it becomes.
    Murphy's Laws of Repairmen were sent by Gaylen Hayes, D.O. from Paris, Texas

Mechanics Laws

  • If it doesn't fit, force it... If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway
  • If you drop a tool or small part while working on a car, it will roll to the exact center underneath the vehicle
  • If you have enough grease & a big enough hammer, you can put anything... anywhere.
    Sent by J.C. Rolston
  • Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
    Corollary: It will not roll if it falls on shag carpeting and is small enough to hide.
  • If you drop a tool or a part it will roll to the exact center underneath your car thus extending your repair enjoyment.
    Sent by Tim Salo, Madison, NJ

TV Laws

  • the television show that you watched once and loved will be discontinued
    Sent by Chiyvonne
  • If you watch a TV show only twice during the season, the second time will be a repeat of the first
    Sent by Shonda Purvis
  • If your VCR is set to tape your favorite program every day, and you find that at certain times it is taping nothing but reruns that you've already seen, the VCR tape will run out in the middle of the only program that you haven't already seen.
    Sent by Linda King
  • When you want to watch your favorite program, there is a black out
  • When you want to record your favorite program so you can watch it over and over again, you were recording the wrong channel
    The last two laws were sent by Yeeyeeyi@wmconnect.com

Gravity Laws

  • You can't reach the tool dropped while working on a car engine, and it will be a non-magnetic alloy.
  • The lighter the rug the more apt a dropped peanut butter & jelly sandwich will land face down.
  • When working up high the tool you drop will always land to do the most damage to the tool and the object it hits.
    Gravity laws were sent by Chase Smith
  • If you drop an unbreakable object, it will always land on something more valuable.
    Sent by Mighty Mole

Travel Laws

  • The distance to your departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your carry on luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight.
    Sent by Rick Delaney.
  • The number of the departure gate is inversely proportional to the time available to get there.
    Sent by Bob McAuliffe, Jr
    I hope to open one day a page for Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel, since I think Murphy fly a lot.
  • Travel is a delight if you have a place to leave and return to
    Sent by Milind
  • As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline re-encounters turbulence.
  • When looking for a street, it will be the only one you drove past before you saw the street sign.
    Sent by Lonnie McLaughlin
  • the first escalator you find is always going the wrong way.
    Sent by romanaround
  • If you're already having a bad day, the shortest, most seemingly innocent trip will occur during the hottest, dustiest hour, along the most crowded, traffic-jammed street, with a broken traffic light, an accident blocking the way, wailing children in the back seat, and your car almost out of gas
    Sent by Mendhak
  • Magellan's Allegory
    If someone giving you directions says at any time, "You can't miss it," be assured than you will
    Sent by Wag

Scouting Laws

  • Rain always happens when on a hike.
  • The shortest way from point A to B is by GPS
  • When counting the children in a group.. there's always one missing.
  • Two rules matter for a scout:
    1. Scout leaders are always right
    2. If they are not then rule number 1 is activated.

Alarm clock laws

  • Whenever you have something important to do the next morning, the alarm will never go off
  • Radio clocks never go off.
  • The least irritating alarm is the most inefficient.
  • The snooze bar is the greatest invention by man.
  • Alarm clocks can make the most passive of us fall into a violent rage.
  • Smashing it to pieces is a healthy and cheap way to relieve tension, ( see #5).
    The last six laws were sent by Brad Johnson

Microbiology Laws

  • A contaminant will always be isolated.
  • The required culture will never give isolated colonies.
  • If the preservation vial is not lost, the culture is not viable.
  • If the culture is viable, it has mutated.
    Microbiology Laws were sent by Sagar Kalantre

Jagged Alliance 2 Laws

  • You never run out of medical kits.
    Corollary: Unless your mercs get hurt.
  • Remember - the entire country is hostile. Trees will bend to swallow your bullets, while enemies can shoot through entire forests.
    Corollary: If the game wants you to get hit, there's no cover.
  • If you forgot to repair your equipment after each battle, your rifle will jam when you spend your merc's last action points to kill a wounded enemy, who will in turn reattribute by firing a LAW at your position.
    Corollary 1: If you repair after each fight, you'll run out of toolkits in the middle of nowhere.
    Corollary 2: You neglected to think about carrying sidearm.
    Corollary 3: If the merc happens to carry a .38 by accident, you'll discover that your enemy is wearing treated Spectra armor.
  • When you think you've got a foothold in Arulco, one town's mine runs dry, the other gets run over by the bugs, and a third one is recaptured by the army.
    Corollary: This will happen when the contracts of your top mercs are due for renewal and you just spent your savings on getting a shipment from Bobby Ray's.
  • Just after you made a Quick save, you'll realize that your mercs are surrounded by enemies wielding Rocket Rifles.
    Corollary: Your last real safe is from Drassen on Day 3.
  • After you blow your money on a few two week contracts for expensive mercs, they'll arrive, bitch about not liking the guys in your old squad, then leave.
    Corollary: Neither AIM nor MERC have a refund policy.
  • If an enemy is really dug in, you'll have forgotten to bring a mortar.
    Corollary: If you're actually in range for throwing a grenade at him and attempt it, it will bounce off the one lone tree nearby and sail right back at you.
  • Never count on even mortally wounded enemies missing you.
    Corollary 1: All those Marksmanship penalties relating to energy loss, open wounds and guns in bad condition only apply to your mercs.
    Corollary 2: No enemy ever has a jammed gun.
  • You never notice that none of your mercs has a good score in Leadership until you try to recruit someone.
  • After spending five minutes hunting down the last enemy, he'll flee the sector.
  • There is no such thing as a guaranteed hit.
    Corollary: Unless your mercs are the target.
  • If you lose a merc through death or end of contract, you'll be in the middle of nowhere and be forced to leave behind his/her heavy gear: This is most commonly your heavy weapons expert who carried a few LAWs and your mortar.
    Corollary: The next sector will contain tanks.
  • As soon as the enemy puts just one more square of distance between you and him, your previous hyperfrag sniper rifle with laser sight, telescopic sight, bipod and extended barrel will spray bullets all around him.
    Corollary: This will invite his friends who will geek you by the dozens.
  • Regeneration Boosters, Explosives and enough ammo. Pick two.
  • No matter how good your lock picking expert gets, the locks get better.
  • There are only very few people with less of a grasp on tactics than your enemies. Your militiamen are some of them.
  • The smart JA2 player always has a spare keyboard around; if the Alt and L keys on yours still work, you're a newbie.
    Murphy's Jagged Alliance 2 Laws were sent by Robert Mueller

Role-Playing by Internet Message Board laws

  • Nobody knows whose fault it is that the story isn't moving, but everyone has a different theory.
  • The Game Master is never on ICQ.
  • Neither are any of the other players.
  • The impossibility of slapping someone silly over the net is not recognized as potential weak point that requires careful consideration, but abused as if there was no tomorrow.
    Corollary 1: After you spent a few hours trying to modify the text so that you get a coherent string of events from the garbled message of a player, he'll announce that you suck and quit the game.
    Corollary 2: Just when you've written a convincing message detailing how the now inactive character is disposed of, the player will come back and bitch at you for forcing him out.

Unformatted Character Sheets laws

  • Organized. Complete. Readable. Pick two.
  • Murphy's Death Spiral:
    The longer your campaign goes on, the more ridiculously powerful you'll have to make the villains to present a challenge to your demi-god characters.
    Corollary: The player of the most powerful character will complain about lacking realism.
  • Nobody is lazy; they're busy perfecting their posts they will make really soon, which will be totally awesome.
    Corollary: You'll have to write it yourself.
  • You'll either be overrun by newbie's who have totally cool original new characters (all expressions after 'have' being debatable) who'll quit two days after their introduction to the story, or left totally deserted without players.
  • The amount of work that went into planning your new campaign is inversely proportional to how many people will want to play it.
    The Murphy's Laws for role-playing by Internet Message Board were sent by Robert Mueller

Transformers laws

  • Never deceive yourself thinking you're the toughest Transformer; if Hasbro doesn't want to sell your toy, they'll find a way to kill you off.
    Corollary: If enough people complain, they'll bring you back and piss off the continuity-worshipping fan-boys.
  • Murphy's Law of Acceptable Disguise
    All good altmodes are taken.
  • Just because you have a ten in one of your stats doesn't mean some leader toy can't pulverize you with it's 10+ stat.
  • Cybertronian Marksmanship is an oxymoron.
  • Murphy's Cybertron Blues T-Shirt Analogy:
    My family was killed in the Great War that has lasted for millions of years, my city got burned down, Decepticons ripped me to pieces, Unicron attempted to eat my home world, and all I got was this stinking Autobot sigil burned onto my chest.
  • Shoot them all, let Primus sort them out.
  • If you have an aerial altmode and take to the sky, someone will hit you with an EMP blast.
  • When you think you've cornered someone, they'll call in their friends and combine into a huge lumbering giant who will promptly crush you.
  • If your leader carries a big cannon on his right arm, respectfully request a transfer.
  • Even if you wield the Matrix, end the war and save the universe a few times, there'll still be a writer out there who will see to it that you'll be remembered for that one horrible story you were in.
  • The typical job interview will begin with "So, what cultural stereotype do you represent ?"
    Corollary: There are no original characters, just stereotypes that haven't become prominent yet.
  • The more powerful your altmode, the longer and easier to interrupt your transformation will be.
    Corollary: Your inner workings are not stressed to withstand hits by directed energy weaponry.
  • Nobody ever really dies; everyone comes back to bug you and make you waste your ammunition on them.
    Corollary: You're the exception, since you're unpopular and will be phased out of the series.
  • Murphy's Nitpicking Note:
    Every character has an aspect that can and will be insulted and ridiculed at length.
    Murphy's Laws of Transformers were sent by Robert Mueller

Game Mastering Laws

  • When you finally find the perfect game, no one is available.
  • Players will always find the hidden flaw in your master plan.
    Corollary: If there is no hidden flaw, it's against the rules.
    Corollary: If it isn't against the rules, one player will convince the others it is.
  • The percent of time spent bickering over what to do next is inversely proportional to the importance of the subject being fought over.
  • The chance of a plan being set aside by player choice is directly proportional to the amount of time spent working on it.
  • If it is absolutely vital that the players notice something, they will not.
    Corollary: If they make a check to see it, they will fail.
  • If it is absolutely important that players do not use meta-game knowledge, they will.
  • The one time you bend the rules for someone is the one time everyone notices it.
  • The amount of missed attack rolls is inversely proportional to the importance of the battle.
  • Any and all jokes will be misunderstood as insults, clues, or just plain missed.
    Corollary: Any and all clues will be misunderstood as insults, jokes, or just plain missed.
  • Luck in dice rolls varies inversely with role-playing ability.
  • Adam's Law
    When the players are up against the main enemy, they will instantaneously kill him with one lucky shot.
    Corollary: If they do not kill him within the first 3 rounds, they will all die.
    Game Mastering Laws were sent by Kasey

Elevator laws

  • The last man entering an elevator going up goes to the lowest floor.
    Sent by Dimple Venigalla
    Conversely, if you are in an elevator that is descending, The latest person to enter will punch the highest floor.
    Sent by Bob McLaughlin
  • The first person needing to exit the elevator will always be the person farthest to the rear of the elevator
    Sent by Sandy Schlee
  • The chances the elevator isn't work is inversely proportional to the weight you are carrying multiplied by the number of stairs you'll have to climb.

Communication laws

  • Communication usually fails, except by accident
    Corollary I: If communication can fail, it will
    Corollary II: If communication cannot fail, it still most usually fails
    Corollary III: If communication seems to succeed in the intended way, there's a misunderstanding
    Corollary III: If you are content with your message, communication certainly fails
  • If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage
  • If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage
  • The more we communicate, the worse communication succeeds
    Corollary: The more we communicate, the faster misunderstandings propagate
  • In mass communication, the important thing is not how things are but how they seem to be
  • The importance of a news item is inversely proportional to the square of the distance
  • The more important the situation is, the more probably you forget an essential thing that you remembered a moment ago
  • Korpela's First Corollary: If nobody barks at you, your message did not get through
  • Korpela's Second Corollary: Search for information fails, except by accident
  • The Pedagogic Corollary: Give the student a chance to realize he misunderstood it all
    All of the laws and Corollaries were taken from http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html. A must read for Murphys Laws and Communication lovers

Health laws

  • The amount of pain is inversely porpotionate to the amount of ice left in the ice maker
  • The more minor the procedure the more likely it is to go wrong
  • It is virtually impossible to incorrectly diagnose yourself on the Internet. Doctors will perform every concivable test to prove you otherwise
    The last three laws were sent by

Miscellaneous laws

  • A man who walks through the turnstiles backwards going to Bangkok.
  • Never look up when dragon flies overhead.
    The last two laws were sent by Peter Elsner
  • Everybody wants to use the bathroom on the same time.
    Sent by Barbu Ionel
  • the squeakiness of floorboards is directly proportional to the need to remain unnoticed
    Sent by Lawman
  • You might forget your past, but your past will never forget you.
    Sent by Mlungisi Khanyile
  • Give a controversial, immoral issue, enough leeway in mainstream society, it will become the norm
    Sent by Mike
  • All generalizations are false, including this one
  • you need something the most, only after you realize you've permanently lost it.
    Sent by Meshman
  • Spending enough time and money, all human behavior can be psychologically explained.
    Even the most repulsive.
  • Everything gets worse with time except the wine. And this one, no always
    The last two laws were sent by Asier Zabarte
  • The early bird suffers from insomnia.
    Sent by divya
  • History is much like an endless waltz. the three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever.
    Sent by Roger
  • Every thing that is countable is to little.
    Corollary: every thing that is measurable is too small.
    Generalization: If you can quantize it, it is too small.
    Sent by Israel Koren
  • Your nose always itches when your hands are tied.
    Sent by Tvoung
  • When you believe you have seen the utmost of one's stupidity they never cease to amaze you and go one step further.
    sent by Viet Nguyen
  • Life stinks... then you have a heart attack, get paraplegic... and find yourself forced to say that it wasn't that bad after all...
    Sent by Oscar Bergna
  • JKash's law:
    When you need gum for your breath in the morning and you can't find any.
    The person you'll ask won't have any either.
    If they will have gum it will be in a flavor that you really don't like.
    Sent by Jeff Kashat
  • You cannot stop the ongoing love affair between pasta sauce and a white dress shirt.
  • Your parents' advice only makes sense 20 years after they gave it to you.
    The last two laws were sent by Ana M.
  • Your cell phone always fall on the hardest part of the ground.
    Sent by Mohamed
  • Friends come and go. Enemies gather.
    Sent by Jan Terhag
  • Kent's Law:
    A web page is only a page until its printed. Then it can be any number of pages.
    Sent by Kent
  • What is (written) history? The last kick of the victor in the pants of the defeated.
    Sent by Tony Halmos
  • If you have a 50% chance of being right, you're wrong 90% of the time.
    Sent by Larry Oram
  • Anything By Nothing Equals Everything
    (Any number divided by zero equals infinite)
    Sent by Divya
  • Whenever you don't want to do something, is exactly when it needs to be done.
    Sent by Peter Norman Scott
  • The weakest link is the most stable one.
    Sent by Jungsonn
  • The surest way to be late is to have plenty of time.
    Sent by John
  • After trying to get something apart (or together) for 90 minutes, you find a clip that gets the job done in 30 seconds (tried and tested many times).
  • Clothes that are labeled (non-run) aren't.
  • The height of foolishness is to believe red or black die doesn't run
    The last three laws were sent by Colin Hadden
  • The more certain you are that your thought is original, the more obscure the source from which you accidentally plagiarized it.
    Sent by Jesse Janowiak
  • Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&* upside the head
    Sent by Soljah
  • Philosophy of life and/or golf
    The professor of philosophy opens his lecture filling a big jar with golf balls. Is the jar full? - surprises the audience.
    Yes - comes the reply.
    He fills the empty space with stones - including diamonds - of the size of peas and asks again: Is the jar full?
    The students agree again.
    The professor pours sand on top of the existing mixture filling the jar completely. Is it full?
    Yes, OK! - reply some of the students with doubt in their voice.
    Fine, what all this means? - turns the professor to his listeners again.
    Silence.
    You should understand that this is a model of philosophy of life:
    The golf balls represent important phenomena of life, like family, love, health, job, children, golf. If you lose everything else, these are the things you grasp to.
    The stones represent phenomena that still count, like accommodation, car, wealth.
    Sand is the rest, unimportant, small matters.
    If you start filling your life with sand, you lose the opportunity to deal with important phenomena. First concentrate on golf balls and stones. The rest is just sand.
    One of the students jumps to his feet, opens a bottle of beer, pours the beer on top of everything that the jar contains. The beer is completely swallowed by sand.
    What do you want to say? - asks him the professor with a stare of astonishment.
    My lesson is simple: whatever way you handle your life, not depending, how much is it filled, there is always space for a mug of beer.
    Sent by Tony
  • Nothing succeeds  like success
  • Behind every successful man is a woman; the further behind the woman the better the chances of his success.
    The last two laws were sent by Lakshman
  • Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
    Sent by Yogendra Jagdish Saraogi
  • The Inverse law of Ninja
    In a movie a single Ninja is an unstoppable semi-immortal and mysterious killing machine. As their number increases the ninja progressively becomes more of a bumbling fumbling idiot. Also applies to thugs, mobsters, gangs and superheroes.
    Sent by Franco
  • The item you need the most will always be at the bottom of the pack.
    Sent by Drew, a longtime backpacker
  • Whenever you get a great, original idea, it's when you forget the idea.
  • Any good idea you ever had will just be accredited to someone else once you tell someone about it.
  • If you hold a hammer in your hand, everything around you will look like a nail.
    Sent by Hussein Nagji
  • If you try to be better than worse, you'll be better at being worse.
    sent by Richard Barrere
  • Nothing is definite.
    Sent by Alan Keffer
  • The grass is always greener on the other side.
    Corollary: This law still applies when you move next door.
    Sent by Maria Teresa Garrido
  • Why violence when there is vengeance.
    Sent by Juan Felipe Triviסo
  • In stores, the other line always moves faster.
    Sent by Mike Ciolek
  • Clicking your heels three times means you've fallen and can't get up.
    Sent by fayef820@aol.com
  • Binil's law of greed: Enough is never enough enough.
    Sent by Binil Jacob Abraham
  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.
    Sent by Jan Wenall
  • Things can't get worse if you were born an Amazon pygmy cannibal.
    Sent by Les Benton
  • Moral beliefs tend to be like laws in crowded places.
    Sent by Michael Castillo
  • If there's a flat surface, someone will put something on it.
    Sent by Sheela
  • Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn.
    Sent by Patrice Rueda
  • A non-smoker among smokers will always be upwind.
    Sent by Prashant Talnikar
  • A Camel is a Horse made by a committee.
  • A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brains.
    The last two laws were sent by S.T. El-Said
  • The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights
    Sent by Karen Hertzberg
  • A person's happiness is inversely related to how many timepieces s/he owns
    Sent by Joe Weiss
  • If you have a clear mind, you don't get to think
  • To be a successful person, you need to succeed
  • A person who writes a law has never experienced it before
    The last three laws were sent by Mohammed Ram Jackson
  • In view of the current work-load, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off
  • In general it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt. (Lord Palmerston)
    The last two laws (?) were sent by Frank Teunissen
  • A heavy frozen roast, stored on a freezer shelf, 5 feet from the ground, will fall on the most vulnerable toe available.
    Following that, it will try to bounce to the other foot, with a 50% chance of success.
  • The Voice of Experience never speaks up until it's too late.
    The last two laws were sent by Rikki
  • If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.
    Sent by Richard Bobbitt
  • When sitting in the audience watching a sport event among 60.000 other spectators, the only time you pick your nose, you are on national TV.
    Sent by Calle from Finland
  • If you fiddle with something long enough you'll eventually break it.
  • Sticks and stones will break your bones but words will get you killed.
    The last two laws were sent by Hughie W. Sprinkle
  • Man is the only animal able to retrace his steps to make the mistakes previously avoided
  • The greater the number of people involved in a social function, the less intelligent each of the participants becomes
  • A plea for justice is often a claim for injustice in one's own favor
    The last three laws were sent by Rafael Juarez
  • When dinner is on time, your spouse is late. When dinner is late, your spouse is on time.
    Sent by Glenda Michelle Gable
  • As soon as you light up the commercial starts
    Sent by Montagumonty@aol.com
  • Sailor's Law:
    Never sail the boat where the birds are walking
    Sent by Mark Sleeth
  • Murphy's Fundamental Principle
    If there are M ways to do a thing, and out of M, N ways lead to the wrong conclusion, then the probability of doing it in one of those N ways is 1
    Alternately, Everything that you do is wrong
    Sent by Sagar Kalantre
  • The more you say you'll win, the more difficult it is to come true.
    Sent by Mohammed Ram jackson
  • Even the darkest hour has only 60 minutes
    Sent by ravichander
  • The exception rule
    Every rule has an exception, including this rule.
    Sent by Anonymous
  • sometimes in order to clean up, it is necessary to make a mess
    Sent by Sonia Veelenturf
  • Whenever a phone rings, it rings at least in pairs
    Sent by Cemal Tashan
  • If 50 people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing
    Chris corollary
    If 1000 people say a foolish thing, they're most likely receiving an endorsement fee
    Sent by Chris
  • Never teach a pig to sing. It waste your time and annoys the Pig.
    Sent by F. Paul Webster
  • a winner should quit, a quitter is sure to win
    Sent by Khor Soon Seng
  • Skepticism is to pessimism as doubt is to proof
  • Skeptics are blessed with ignorance, while pessimists are cursed with knowledge
    The last two laws were sent by Michael Smith
  • Having is not always as pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical but I have observed it to be true.
    Spock to Stan.
    Sent by Mary J.
  • When you remember the trash needs taking out the garbage truck is 2 doors down
    Sent by Daniel Ellery
  • Sooner or later you will spill your beer
  • Never open a pill bottle over the bathroom sink
    The last two laws were sent by Mike Berneathy
  • The most precise measuring instrument known to man for finding the exact center underneath a parked vehicle is a ball being used in a very enjoyable lawn game, this will not work if other balls are available.
    Sent by Fred Wickens
  • Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before you are supposed to leave on vacation.
  • Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before the three day weekend starts.
  • Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before closing on Friday.
    The last three laws were sent by Nick Hlavacek
  • No system is so perfect it can't be made to work
    Sent by Michael Davis
  • During the course of any endeavor you will always see the winning move right after you've executed the losing one
    Sent by Kit Balmer
  • The less you have to paint, the more paint you get on yourself
    Sent by Megan, she know this from experience.
  • When you're riding a bike - it will rain
  • Lube something good and it only gets better, lube something bad and it only gets worse
    Sent by Pixel
  • To check the spelling of a word in the dictionary, you have to know how it's written
    Sent by Jean Chartier
  • Pens sent through the dryer intentionally never break, but those sent by accident always attack white clothes
    Sent by Norman Horn
  • Nobody is incompetent. Incompetence is nothing but competence in incompetency
    Sent by Bhaskar Tatwawadi, Mumbai, India.
  • Coincedence doesn not exist, everything happens for a random reason
    Sent by Dre
  • Dato's Law
    Wishes expand in direct proportion to the resources available for the gratification.
    Sent by Dr. Robert Dato from The Dato Leadership Institute
  • Anything that can be misused will be misused (legal loopholes, marketing information, etc.)
    Sent by Craig Leffel
  • Law of Complexity:
    Everything is more complicated than it looks at first
    Corollary to the Law of Complexity:
    The Law of Complexity is recursive
    Sent by Kurt Schurenberg
  • The time you have to wait before going to bed increases proportionally to how tired you are
    Sent by Harry Potter
  • Assaf's Law of Advice:
    The only people less likely to follow your advice than those who receive it unsolicited are those who ask for it.
    Sent by Francis Assaf
  • If your happy, don’t worry you’ll get over it
  • If you have no problems, then you have no clue to what is going
    The last two laws were sent by Christa
  • When you know that you are in luck - Murphy's law will apply to you; If you know that Murphy will strike you at any time - he won't; but than you will know he won't so he will.
    Sent by Jay Novack
  • Murphy's Law is unconstitutional, but will never be repealed.
    Sent by Poetjds
  • It is a fact that every thing in universe moves counterclockwise.
    Sent by Safwan Aumari
  • Opitz' law:
    Good luck is inversely proportional to good timing.
    Sent by Albert J. Opitz
  • The first thing you'll have to do, is the last thing you wished.
  • The first thing to break down is the irreparable one.
    The last two laws were sent by Oscar Sz.
  • Keys dropped near an open elevator door will always fall down the crack.
    And will cost you more to get them out than it will to get a second set cut.
    Sent by Graham (an elevator technician - so he knows...).
  • The more skilled you are at something, the worse you are at it when showing someone.
  • If someone ever said that something wouldn't go wrong in a billion years, they said it a billion years ago.
  • The one you buy will be the only one that doesn't work.
    The last three laws were sent by -?Anonymous!
  • When playing board-games which involve quizzes etc, you will always know the answers to everyone else's set of questions but never your own.
    Sent by Darren
  • The future is like now, only longer.
    Sent by Paul
  • Zuhnic Laws of Plagiarism:
    • If you put a law into your own words, you can name it after yourself (take many laws from this site into account, though not this one... ahem...).
    • If you notice that one of the laws you read came from a different source, it was either completely innocent or completely malevolent.
    The Laws of Plagiarism were sent by Kevin Zuhn
  • If your plane is about to crash, the parachute are missing
    Sent by Steve Chevalier
  • When boarding a plane: get into the plane; let the daredevils get on
  • There's no need for a hot water tank; hot water doesn't need heating
  • No one's life or liberty is safe while the legislature is in session
  • Where you stand on a decision; depends on where you sit
  • A smoking pipe gives a wise man something to think about, and a fool something to stick in his mouth
  • The Relevancy of Time:
    If you burn your finger minutes can seem like hours; When you're with your loved one hours can seem like minutes.
    Last six laws were sent by
  • The process of growing up answers questions you don't know your asking
    Sent by
  • Aquarium Laws:
    • Every aquarium will eventually leak.
    • Every fish will eventually die.
    Aquarium Laws were sent by Michael Thompson
  • If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
    Sent by Tom McClellan from Drop in for Coffee
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
    Sent by Shai Waisel from WonderNet Ltd.
  • Any universe that may exist, parallel to ours, that do not interact, and has not interacted, and will not interact with our universe, does not exist.
    Sent by
  • Planning Laws
    If the shipment is already delayed, the weather goes bad and the harbor will close.
    Sent by
  • as soon as you learn a new trick you forget how to do it
  • as soon as you learn a new song, you forget the lyrics
  • when you set an alarm on an important day, it wont go off
  • If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything
    The last four laws were sent by
  • The number of times you drop the soap in the shower is inversely proportional to the time remaining before your appointment.
    Sent by
  • The bigger / more important the job / part, the more you bust your hump to get it done, the longer it will sit on the loading dock.
    This goes up exponentially if the receiving company has arranged delivery
    The last four laws were sent by
  • Smoking will kill you, but so will being born
  • Having parents and not pissing them off, is like having alcohol and not drinking it
    The last two laws were sent by
  • When hurrying to an appointment because you're running late, you'll be stopped by a cop who will make you get there even later.
    Sent by
  • Never assume conspiracy when stupidity is an adequate explanation.
    Sent by
  • When problem solving, count on assumptions to automatically add unnecessary time to the process.
    Sent by
  • The longer you search for [insert object here] the better chance there is that it was
    1. In your pocket
    2. On the kitchen table, or
    3. Under that pile of junk that you tossed aside looking for it
    Sent by
  • Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
    Sent by
  • Least credible sentence from lawyers:
    "Just a brief comment if I may, your honor."
    Sent by
  • New white shirts are Ketchup magnets
  • Wind will change direction the minute you are passing wind
    Last wo laws were sent by