Murphy's College Student Laws

If you didn't cite something, that was the one thing your professor wanted you to cite.

- Kevin Zuhn

If you cite a source for information, it came from somebody else.

- Kevin Zuhn

If you provide information without citing the source, the information provided is wrong.

- Kevin Zuhn

The paper will be content-based if you don't study for that important examination.

If you study hard for that important examination, the setters may decide to change their focus to 'thinking-based' and 'analytical'.

Community College credo: Fix anything with duct tape, eat only ramen, and drink only caffeine.

- Anonymous

Any simple idea will be denoted using three different symbols.

- Anonymous

Problems that you can work on won't be on the test.

- Anonymous

Notes written in class are hieroglyphics at home.

- Anonymous

What is "obvious" to everyone else won't be to you.

- Anonymous

The harder you study, the farther behind you get. Knowing mathematics and teaching mathematics are not equivalent.

- Anonymous

One college student in a hot rod car has half a brain; two have no brain.

- Anonymous

The professor never sticks to the syllabus.

- John Hofstra

Whenever you have beer in your room, your RA decides it's the perfect time to make surprise inspections.

- John Hofstra

Your parents never call you on your cell phone when you're at a party.

- John Hofstra

Dining dollars are always scarce.

- John Hofstra

Pizza makes a complete meal, hot or cold.

- John Hofstra

No matter what the problem is, alcohol will always solve it.

- John Hofstra

You just finished the paper that counts as your final five minutes before class, only to discover the printer is out of ink.

- John Hofstra