Murphy's Commerce Laws

The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90%.
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
Don't be irreplaceable; you can't be promoted if you can't be replaced.
It doesn't matter what you do; it only matters what you say you've done and what you say you will do.
After any salary increase, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they never talk about themselves.
If you don't succeed, try again, and then quit. It's no use being a damn fool about it.
When the boss asks for a ride home from the office, beer cans will always roll on the floor of your car.
The boss is always right.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
In case of an atomic bomb attack, work rules will be temporarily suspended.
Anyone can do any work, provided it isn't what he is supposed to do.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong until the next person is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
People have always been available for work.
People don't make the same mistake twice; they make it three, four, or five times.
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, a person's authority is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
Doing the job is no excuse for not following the rules.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?".
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
Progress is only made on alternate Tuesdays.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist, to whom it is acceptable, still has a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only worsens it.
If profits are allowed, the employee who has performed his duties faithfully and without fault for five years will receive a pay increase of five cents per day.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
The value of any job task is inversely proportional to its deadline. Sent by Ray Geist
When you see an item in the flyer, it's either sold out or the price has doubled by the time you get to the store. Sent by Steve Barrett.
The person who is right at the meeting or discussion will be the person who is not listened to and later blamed for coming up with the bad idea. Sent by Andrew Komarow.
When you have no cash, you are in great pain and have to go to the bank to find that the bank's computers are offline. Sent by Sharifah.
Bills travel through the mail twice as fast as checks. Sent by Magycke.
No man is an island, until it comes to paying the bills. Sent by Magycke.
If you have a little extra money to spend, something will break and cost more than that little extra. Sent by Karen.
There is plenty of it if you don't want it; if you need it, they're all out.
The more you like a product, the more likely it is to be discontinued. Sent by Barry Nord.
If you are shopping to find a certain thing, no matter how simple it may be, no matter where you go, you will find every conceivable thing except that which you are looking for. Sent by Brian Shannon.
The one time you didn't make a copy of your 1040, the one the IRS did not receive. Sent by Bernadette.
I'm as good as my employer. Sent by Rajiv Kulkarni
Slog all day and no one notices, take a 5-minute breather to play Windows Solitaire, and the boss silently appears behind you.
All urgent and critical reports are handed out on Friday evening and are due first thing Monday morning.
Zain's Nutcracker Law:
The best time to ask for a raise is when everything has gone wrong and your boss is panicking.
Corollary: Never ask for a raise after you have completed a project.
Corollary: If you do it right the first time, you will not be asked to resolve the problem and therefore will not be in a position to ask for a raise.
Expenses rise to exceed income. Sent by Bruce
Just-in-Time inventory isn't. Sent by Guillermo Zepeda
In a line, the biggest order is up front. The customer has coupons and wants to write a check.
In a 24-hour store, five customers always come to the register simultaneously. The customer with the largest order is first in line. Sent by Millie
What you don't know will cost you big bucks. Sent by Mark Perkins
It is no disgrace to be poor, but it is inconvenient. Sent by James Franklin
When in trouble, change the subject. However, this may lead the subject to another one of your offenses. Sent by Lenny Quites
When in trouble, do what you can. If that fails, try what you can't. If that fails, give yourself an A for effort and run like hell with pride! Sent by Lenny Quites
You pay peanuts and you get monkeys. In some organizations, you pay for donuts and still get monkeys. Sent by K. Balasubramanian
The Customer is always unhappy about your product and service. Sent by Kiran
Little things make much more of a difference, but the little things don't get as much recognition. Sent by Simion
The pressure of responsibility, taking a difficult decision, results from a division between its importance and the number of participants. Sent by Asier Zabarte.
Excess of analysis causes paralysis. Sent by Asier Zabarte
The quality of artistry of any given object is inversely proportional to how useful it is. Sent by Steven Halkett.
Any given object's artistry is inversely proportional to how well it works. Sent by Steven Halkett.
Eldredge's Aphorism: Procedures should not be used as a substitute for thought. Sent by Brad Eldredge, Ph.D., P.E
Kevin Law of Activity: One's willingness to do something is inversely proportional to:
The need for it to be done.
The number of people who are relying on that person to do it.
Sent by Kevin
Ament's First Law of Corporate Survival: When you see the shit is about to hit the fan, shut your mouth. Sent by Michael Ament.
Ament's Second Law of Corporate Survival: Duck. Sent by Michael Ament.
Inverse Rule of Contracts: The smaller the dollar amount of a contract, the longer it will take to negotiate. Sent by John Hughes
Somers' Law of Management: One learns at least as much about management from poor managers as from good ones. Sent by John Somers
The more complicated the job is, the less time and useful information you will be given. Sent by Robert Nicholson.
If the salesperson says, "All you have to do is..." you know you're in trouble. Sent by Robert Nicholson.
When a customer says, "It's perfect except..." you know it will be necessary to rebuild the whole piece. Sent by Robert Nicholson.
Assaf's Laws of Lines:
The number of open service windows at banks, post offices, airline counters, etc., always equals [n/2 - m], n being the total number of windows and m being a random number between 1 and the total number of windows minus 1.
The simpler and quicker your transaction, the more complex and time-consuming the transaction of the person immediately ahead of you in the line.
Sent by Francis Assaf
When you stand at your counter for hours and then go to break, the customer comes and rings the bell for help. Sent by Rebekah.
Any item you want to purchase from a catalog will always be out of stock when you want to buy it. Sent by Robert Van Sile.
If your Check-Book and Bank-Balance Sheet agree. Re-Do-It. You Goofed Up. Sent by ?. This is from my own experience over the past 50+ years!
"Billing Statements do not provide 'Actual Posting Dates'. They reflect 'Accurate Posting Dates'"
This was contained within a reply from a Retail Credit Account Analyst of a major Banking Establishment.
Sent by Clawd Hammer.