Murphy's Cops Laws

On an extended Crime Scene, when someone shows up with the doughnuts and coffee, the cops who usually get them are standing around doing nothing, and could have gone themselves.

Even when you're not on call, you're on call. Just ask the sergeant, who doesn't want to be called.

Cops are society's Sacrificial Lambs. Hey, at least we're not their Jackasses. That would be the Brass.

Nobody needs a cop while the cop is around.

The further away the call is into the sticks, the more likely you are to need a restroom after you are back in service.

Always give the guy who complains about paying your salary his nickel back before you write his ticket; It will leave him with a better impression of your services.

Your testimony in court is unnecessary until you and your wife coordinate the same time off work together.

Swiderski's Law: Every thorough investigation leads to confusion.

- Gregory Swiderski

Any time you decide to do something, even slightly against the law, a police officer will be near enough to see it happen.

- Lloupiermuingz

Generally, a person's innocence is often opposed to how much they insist they are.

- Darrell A. Pierce

The number of people locking their keys in their car is directly proportional to how bad the weather is.

- Christina N.

The number of years on the job is directly proportional to your waistline.

- Zain

Cops arrive late to the crime scene.

- Ishola Stephen

Laser sights work both ways.

- Oxender, Chad, SSgt 321 ESPTS/SFS

Dogs do not see the badge as a person of authority; they see lunch.

- Ryan Parton

The likelihood that you are speaking to an undercover law enforcement officer is directly proportional to the number of personal questions being asked of you.

- Fred Beeman

If a large group of drunk bikers is "holed up" in a house, the Department will send one officer in a beat car. If one biker is "holed up" in a home, they will send the entire S. W. A. T. Team.

The better you do your job, the more likely you will be shot, injured, complained about, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.

You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boomer."

Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.

The longer you've been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper get.

There will always be more 'bad guys' than 'good guys' on any call.

From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights, and you can.

Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.

You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don't need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do.