Murphy's Employees Laws

When your workmates guarantee they'll take care of your duties while you're on vacation, they won't.
Corollary: the week you're gone will be the "week from hell" you must catch up on. Sent by David Orr.
The more work you are promised, the harder it is to find. Sent by Rick S..
Someone always gets the good jobs first. Sent by Rick S..
Your unemployment check always comes after you find work. Sent by Rick S..
The ideal job for you was filled before you knew it. Sent by Francoboom.
You must be well-spoken, clear, pleasantly dressed, confident, and polite in a job interview. Even if you are, you won't get it. Sent by Francoboom.
If the job you want is well-paying, interesting, fun, rewarding, conveniently located, or attainable. Pick one. Sent by Francoboom.
Employers are either all the things you'd hate in a co-worker or start looking for another job. Sent by Francoboom.
There are demerit points for originality when one is caught. Sent by Francoboom.
If the boss doesn't understand your work, they will either ignore it, pretend they did it, or freak out. Sent by Francoboom.
The 10-minute presentation or video on how the company cares about you as an employee and individual was originally a brilliant April Fool's joke until a vice president decided that some of the grunts are dumb enough to believe it. Sent by Francoboom.
The happiest person in the company can never be trusted. Sent by Francoboom.
If your manager has nothing bad to tell you for too long, you will soon need their reference. Sent by Francoboom.
Your current boss is the worst you've ever had until the next one. Sent by Francoboom.
Free thought is a capital crime. Sent by Francoboom.
The most enthusiastic worker doesn't get paid any better than anyone else. Sent by Francoboom.
You will never get fired at the beginning of the day. Your boss will think this is good. Sent by Francoboom.
The more you hate a job and wish to leave, the longer you stay put. Sent by Francoboom.
The person interviewing you had less than half of your qualifications when they got the job and will want twice what you have. Sent by Francoboom.
If you've always wanted to do ______ during an interview ______ will get you arrested. Sent by Francoboom.
Losing a job is never as fun or dignified as you imagine. Sent by Francoboom.
If you bring your voodoo doll/adult magazine, or embarrassing cream to work, your boss will find it. Sent by Francoboom.
If you get used to thinking "screw you" after every superior speaks to you, you will blurt it out sooner or later. Unless you're a phone sex girl or a stripper, people will mind. Sent by Francoboom.
Being yourself will have to wait until you get home or at least to a bar. Sent by Francoboom.
The uniform you must wear comes in two sizes, small and pinchy. Sent by Francoboom.
The uniform you must wear was designed by a colorblind masochist who likes to laugh at those who have to wear it. Sent by Francoboom.
The more you pay for the uniform, the less likely you will wear any part of it. Sent by Francoboom.
Everyone will hit one photocopier in the office to make it work. Most will secretly know this as the best office equipment in the building. Sent by Francoboom.
Your Boss will always call you when you aren't at your desk. Sent by Julius.
If you arrive late at the office, your boss is likely already in his room. Sent by Mohamed.
When the most important task awaits you, you get the most interruptions. Sent by Viswanathan.
The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all errors until the next person is fired or quits. Sent by Shaul.
It's not about the award, it's about the achievement. Sent by Alix Hein.
When you are convinced everything works just fine, you are overlooking something. Sent by Aad Kooijman.
Equal Opportunity programs - aren't. Sent by David G. Carroll.
If you want to know what is happening, ask those under you. Sent by David G. Carroll.
If you want to be busy, say you have nothing to do. Sent by David G. Carroll.
You will always be caught, usually the first time you do something others have been getting away with. Sent by David G. Carroll.
No matter which domain you are working in, its intersection with the field of your interest is always a NULL set. Sent by Abhinaw P..