Murphy's Laws

If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollary: It can. Sent by Dr. Allen Roberds.
MacGillicuddy's Corollary: At the most inopportune time. Sent by Earl R. Johnson.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Corollary: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault without breaking the fix on one or more others.Sent by Sean Cheshire.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you have overlooked something.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Corollary: The hidden flaw never stays hidden for long. Sent by Dave M.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.
Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.
Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws: Everything goes wrong all at once.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
Enough research will support whatever theory.
Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds supporting it. Sent by Tony '68.
Nothing is right. Therefore, if everything is going right, something is wrong.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything takes longer than it takes. Sent by Jon Carpenter.
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Every solution creates new problems.
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up. Sent by Mitch.
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. Sent by Paul Breen
A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage. Sent by Ralph.
A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it. Sent by Ralph.
A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried). Sent by Ralph.
A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot). Sent by Ralph.
If a dish is dropped while being removed from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking it and chipping or denting the sink. Sent by Ralph.
A dropped valuable item will always fall into an inaccessible place. Sent by Ralph.
If you use a pole saw to cut a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground. Sent by Ralph.
If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield. Sent by Ralph.
The greater the rug's value, the more likely the cat will throw up on it. Sent by Ralph.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
Corollary: If you're looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last. Sent by Alegna.
Corollary: It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but it is never discovered on the first attempt. Sent by Peter.
You'll find the original after you buy a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere. Sent by Dizzy.
You have to look where you lost it. Sent by Clayton.
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, it will be sold somewhere cheaper after buying it.
The other line always moves faster.
To get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needs replacing anyway.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Peter Principle: In any hierarchy, each individual rises to their level of incompetence and remains there.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
When in doubt, make it convincing.
Never argue with a fool; people might not know the difference.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Sent by John Cougar and getalife.
Where patience fails, force prevails. Sent by Woody.
Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet. Sent by Am Wood.
Heisenberg's Indetermination Principle Applied to Ill Luck: The better you know how much luck will strike you, the worse you know when this will happen. Sent by Simone Penzavalle.
Corollary: Relativistic correction of Murphy's law: Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference. Sent by Simone Penzavalle.
Corollary: Ill luck is absolute. Whatever your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway. Sent by Simone Penzavalle.
If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it. Sent by Leesa.
If you think you are doing the right thing, it will likely backfire in your face. Sent by Leesa.
When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears, the other will remain backed up. Sent by Leesa.
Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will. Sent by Leesa.
Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always return to you. Sent by Leesa.
If you react to actions, you've acted on actions. Sent by Leesa.
He who angers you controls you; therefore, you have no control over your anger. Sent by Leesa.
Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string. For example: getting a group of people to the car simultaneously.
The fish are always biting. Yesterday!
You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time. Sent by Sean Murphy.
The cost of the hairdo is directly related to wind strength. Sent by Charles L. Mays.
Great ideas are never remembered, and dumb statements are never forgotten. Sent by Charles L. Mays.
The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks. Sent by Charles L. Mays.
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in. Sent by Fridrik Bjarnason.
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train. Sent by Steve.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Sent by Michael.
Being dead right won't make you any less dead.
Having the right of way won't make you any less dead. Sent by Anonymous.
Whatever you want, you can't have; what you can have, you don't want. Sent by Joe.
Whatever you want to do is impossible; whatever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it. Sent by Joe.
Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are or will be. Sent by Joe.
The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is. Sent by Joe.
Crespins' Law of Observation: the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of your act. Sent by R. Crespin Esq.
If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers. Sent by Chris Davidsen, from Norway
A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation.
If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.
If you say something and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
Wherever I go, there I am. Sent by John Davenport.
Where patience fails, force prevails. Sent by Woody
Murphy's Law Current Revision: Anything that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong! You just haven't been notified.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science that heralds discoveries is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."
Gamble's Law: The mailbox is always across the street. Sent by Russell Cooper on behalf of a former colleague who claimed that Murphy had plagiarized
If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong simultaneously.
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Waxman's Law: Everything tastes more or less like chicken. Sent by Del Ross.
You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost. Sent by Gayle.
If authority were mass, stupidity would be gravity. Sent by Greg.
All good things come to those who wait, but don't wait too long, or they will pass you by, like two ships that pass in the night, never again returning to that same site. Sent by Jujuakita.
If anything were worth doing, it would've already been done.
Corollary: Nothing is worth doing. Sent by D-D-D-Dave
You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow. Sent by John.
Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard. Sent by anonymous
Those who know the least will always know it the loudest. Sent by Chris Moore.
McFalls' Maxim: No degree of acceptance can change the facts. Sent by Oliver McFalls.
Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but you're still screwed. Sent by Oliver McFalls.
Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law: Things go from bad to worse. Sent by Hunter.
Hunter's Observation on Beauty: Beauty is only skin deep; fashion is even shallower. Sent by Hunter.
Hunter's Observation on Experts: An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor. Sent by Hunter.
Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating: All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced. Sent by Hunter.
Hunter's Observation on hypocrites: A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite. Sent by Hunter.
Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz: We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain. Sent by Hunter.
Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk. Sent by Bird Waring.
Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD. Sent by Zenjive.
Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have. Sent by Magycke.
Paper is always strongest at the perforation. Sent by Mike.
Things are never as good as they are bad. Sent by Scott Miller.
Chaos always wins, because it's better organized. Sent by Regards Walter, citing Terry Pratchett.
The Wingwalker's Rule: Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else. Sent by Ted Machler.
The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet. Sent by Jenny Pitt.
When you first wear new shoes, everyone will step on them. Sent by Pieter.
Steven Wright's Observation: If Murphy's law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic. Sent by Deke.
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. Sent by Mark.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Sent by Yaron Budowski.
If you don't succeed at first, destroy all evidence you ever tried. Sent by Damien Hope.
Mrs. Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town. Sent by Sharon Murphy.
If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer. Sent by Jeronimo
Warneke Law: You cannot force Murphy's Law to happen, and can't use it in your favor. Sent by Warneke.
The solution is not in the instruction booklet when something goes wrong, but someone else always does. Sent by Mark Peacock.
Everything in life is important; important things are simple, but simple things are never easy. Think about it, and complete the circle. Sent by Sam Diggly, whose dad told her this law after she got married.
It takes forever to learn the rules, and once you've learned them, they change. Sent by Tracey Goldstein.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true. Sent by what'd ya say?
After you finish, you will find an easy way to do it. Sent by Conan Rock.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you think, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law. Sent by Ben Jones.
In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it's as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are. Sent by Lois Weiner.
The wind will always blow against your hairdo. Sent by G. B.
Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpeting. Sent by Keith Hipkins.
Laundry Math: 1 Washer + 1 Dryer + 2 Socks = 1 Sock. Sent by Bryan Ortiz.
It's always on the other side. Sent by Jakob Sultan
Hall's Law I: Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention. Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall.
Hall's Law II: Minor problems aren't. Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall.
A valuable falling in a hard-to-reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers. Sent by Luciano Quinones.
If a valuable falls in a hard-to-reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, you'll push it to that unreachable distance as soon as you try to reach it. Sent by Luciano Quinones.
If it looks good, tastes good, and feels good, there has got to be something wrong somewhere. So be careful. Sent by Shirley Cameron.
Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep's head. Sent by Robert Dion.
The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry all day. Sent by GKarlitz1@aol.com.
No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going to go FUBAR on you. Sent by Robert K White.
Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way. Sent by Robert K White. When you need something, it's either not available or can't be found. It's either available or lying around in your way when you don't need it. Sent by Robert Van Sile.
Whenever you cut your fingernails, you find a need for them an hour later. Sent by Jeff S.
Law of Conservation of Filth: For something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
Corollary: It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean. Sent by Scott Tietjen, aka "Great Scott"
The file you seek is always at the bottom of the largest pile. Sent by Larry.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Sent by G. Martin.
The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to its desirability. Sent by Ken Kaplan.
Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes.
Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won't happen. Sent by Sylvain Galibert.
Common Sense isn't. Sent by Joe Facchini.
Power is taken, not given. Sent by John Burke.
*Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four. Sent by Lenny Quites.
If the truth is in your favor, no one will believe you. Sent by Lenny Quites.
When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats. Sent by Rivers.
Laws are like a spider web. They snare the poor and weak while the rich and powerful break them. Sent by Red.
The key to happiness is to be O.K. without being O.K. Sent by Divya.
The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. Sent by Ross Henderson.
Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong. Sent by Anonymouse.
Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions. Sent by GL Roberts.
If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 90% of the time. Sent by Bob Holdegraver.
If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go bad, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong. Sent by John Wilson.
The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits. Sent by Mark M. Stevens.
The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist. Sent by Elizabeth A. Kennedy.
Those who don't make decisions never make mistakes. Sent by Asier Zabarte.
Knowing it can't last forever is the only price you pay for greatness. Sent by Taranis Valerin.
Thomas Wrobel's Law I: Anything that can't possibly happen in a million years will go wrong. Sent by Thomas Wrobel.
Thomas Wrobel's Law II: Anything that seems right puts you into a false sense of security. Sent by Thomas Wrobel.
Thomas Wrobel's Law III: If everything seems great, it's already gone wrong. Sent by Thomas Wrobel.
Thomas Wrobel's Law IV: You're right only when it's about being wrong. Sent by Thomas Wrobel.
Thomas Wrobel's Law V: The only time something's right is when everyone agrees it's wrong. Sent by Thomas Wrobel.
If Murphy's law is used to achieve a desired outcome, it will backfire. Sent by Pat M.
It's never so bad; it couldn't be worse. Sent by Raymond J. Gunn, quoting his friend George Brabbs, who used to say it, but then he died, and now he wonders.
Knowing Murphy's Law will never help. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
To know Murphy's Law is to draw its attention. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
If, for some reason, Murphy's Law fails to function, it is building up to something big. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
Buddha's Version of Murphy's Law: Decay is inherent in all things; strive unceasingly. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
Nothing ever gets better. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
Given time, one can develop a sense of how Murphy's Law will act, but the Murphy Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade-based wind generator. Sent by Azrias Mordax.
The probability that something can go wrong is proportional to the square of the inconvenience it can cause you. Sent by Takura Razemba.
Everything that could go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you. Sent by Takura Razemba.
In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next. Sent by Takura Razemba.
Mr. Murphy's Warning: Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy. Sent by Frank O'Neal.
Mrs. Murphy's Law: It's Mr. Murphy's fault if something goes wrong. Sent by Frank O'Neal.
If anything can go wrong, it will. When it does, the woman will be blamed. Sent by ginakell@hotmail.com.
The person ahead of you in the queue will have the most complex transaction possible. Sent by Robert Lewis.
Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one. Sent by Nabeel.
Another name for Murphy's law: The law of conservation of misery. Sent by Achten.
There's a flaw if Murphy's law doesn't apply in a particular circumstance. Sent by Filipe Carvalheiro.
If Murphy's law is right, it will be wrong. Sent by Sharad Bhandari.
A law about websites: The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server will be down. Sent by Shaunna.
The more laws you claim to have, the more laws you will miss. Sent by Sathish.
This site won't open when you want to explain Murphy's law to someone. Sent by Dinni.
Remember: Shit happens.
Murphy's law is intrinsic. Sent by Wolfram.
On the eighth day, God said, "O.K., Murphy, you take over!". Sent by Robert A. Silvestri.
Larry Niven's summary of Murphy's Law: The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum. Sent by Kevin Boland.
The road to success is always under construction
O'Toole's Corollary: Murphy was an optimist!
Someone else always seems to get the credit for your work.
The harder you work, the more people there will be to claim credit for your work.
You get all the credit for the dumb move.
Murphy was an extreme optimist!
Don't worry about Murphy's Law. You know it will happen anyway, so just get on and get it over! Sent by Ruth Beaty.
The Murphy's Law humor leaves you laughing at the end of the day.
If you make it through a Murphy Day, you win!
Corollary: Every day is a Murphy Day.