You'll think of a great line to say to someone the moment after your chance is gone.
- Adrian Piñeiro
Murphy's Love Laws
Discover why things go wrong in Murphy's Love Laws. A comprehensive archive of 209 Murphy's Laws and corollaries.
Laws in this category
- John Rebillot
A person's imperfection is proportional to how much you hate them.
- Safwan Aumari
If you get it, it will be removed.
- Peter V. Garalde
Absence makes the heart wander.
- ???
A person's perfection is proportional to how much you love them.
- Safwan Aumari
The person you want the most will end up with the person you hate the most.
- Peter V. Garalde
Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.
- Cy Hilterman
You always need a more patient partner, no matter how patient they are.
- Aman J Singh
The best way to get over a woman is to get over another.
- Huzaifa Ayaz
- R. Jones
The girl/boyfriend who says they are - aren't.
- Micah Tolbert
When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
- Joe Fox
- Vin Burgh
The sexier a man is, the more likely he is to be gay.
- M.
The one thing that will almost certainly come between two friends is a girl.
- Aditya
You may get off on a cheap hooker, but you can't get off on an affordable lawyer.
- Ryan Shuck
Everyone believes in love, but wonders if it exists.
- Sushil Choudhari
Wedding cake cures nymphomania.
- Juggy
Love can be your best friend and/or your worst enemy.
- Jennifer W.
The quiet ones always have the two dozen corpses in their basements.
- Bo Zhang
If you are happy together, wait till you are married.
- Stefan Farkas
If a beautiful wo/man loves you, it's fake.
- Stefan Farkas
If you want love, you don't get it.
- Stefan Farkas
If you are in love, they aren't.
- Stefan Farkas
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- Everyday examples Life and relationship-adjacent mishaps.
- Funny laws Humor that starts with painful recognition.
More laws in this category
- All the good ones are taken
- If the person isn't taken, there's a reason
- The nicer someone is, the farther away they are from you
- Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant. This constant is always zero
- The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them
- Money can't buy love, but it gives you a great bargaining position
- The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it
- Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction
- Nice guys (girls) finish last
- The good ones die first
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is
- Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else
- The more beautiful the woman who loves you, the easier it is to leave her without hard feelings
- Nothing improves with age
- No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again
- Sex has no calories
- Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble
- There is no remedy for sex but more sex
- Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got
- No sex with anyone in the same office
- Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last
- A man in the house is worth two in the street
- If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
- Virginity can be cured
- When a man's wife learns to understand him, she stops listening
- Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself
- The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later
- Sex is dirty only if it's done right
- It is always the wrong time of month
- The best way to hold a man is in your arms
- When the lights are out, all women are beautiful
- Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either
- Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then pray for crop failure on Sunday
- The game of love is never called off on account of darkness
- It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden
- Sex discriminates between shy and ugly
- Before you find your handsome prince, you have to kiss many frogs
- There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it
- Love your neighbor, but don't get caught
- Love is a hole in the heart
- If the effort that went into research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be...
- Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics
- Do it only with the best
- Sex is a three-letter word that needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning
- One good turn gets the most cover
- You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women
- Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
- It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
- Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless in the mood
- Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you
- Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song
- Never argue with a woman when she's tired or rested
- A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't
- What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick
- It is better to be watched than overlooked
- Never say no
- A man can be happy with any woman if he doesn't love her
- Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps
- Beauty is skin deep; ugliness goes right to the bone
- Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog
- A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride
- Love comes in spurts
- The world does not revolve on an axis
- Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant
- Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking
- Don't do it if you can't keep it up
- There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love
- Never go to bed mad; stay up and fight
- Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another
- This won't hurt, I promise
- An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part"
- When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen
- When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears
- It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one
- Although it may seem like that on the outside, no one is having fun being single
- If your heart is broken, sweep the pieces. There will always be someone who wants to put it back together
- Love and high school must NEVER go together
- If a man speaks deep in the forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong
- Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will
- It doesn't matter HOW good it was, if you end up worrying or regretting it, it was bad sex
- You get the best sex from the worst one for you
- Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed
- No one is as fascinating as they think
- If you believe a relationship can't work, but feel the need to try, it won't
- You will later learn that your lack of belief caused it to fail
- The duration of a relationship with a person is inversely proportional to the person's importance to you
- The Key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time
- The two things no man can ever understand are women and what makes all men complete damn fools over women
- Love makes believers of us all. Translation
- Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague
- If you go behind a girl, you are heading into trouble
- In the eternal battle of the sexes, women are already the winners
- When with your girlfriend, you will always have gas
- Celibacy is not hereditary
- The hornier someone is, the less likely they are to have sex
- The man shall not win the argument he started
- The man shall not win the argument he didn't start
- If a man won an argument, it was just in his head
- Try as you might, there will still be times when men are just assholes. We can't help it, and we're sorry
- A lover will tell you they love you endlessly. A true love will tell everyone else they love you...
- When all else fails, have hope
- Eichel's Rule - During sex, try to sweat
- In Romance and Finance, we play with Figures
- A cauliflower resembles a rose if your eyesight is not 6/6
- Before falling in love, take your backup; it always helps recover
- If a man has it, he won't want it, the guy who buys it won't use it, the guy who uses it could give a shit...
- Love has all the answers. But until then, sex raises some good questions
- Sex on TV can't hurt you unless you fall off
- Anticipation is 98% of fun
- The number of members of the opposite sex you pursue is inversely proportional to everything about you...
- A close friend will grab their attention if you are interested in someone. This is especially likely if they
- The ABC rule
- The uglier the girl, the closer she lives
- If anything happens on the first date, you won't have a condom
- Pencil size is not as important as writing quality
- Marriage is the greatest level
- Girls are like toilet rooms. Either it is taken, or full of sh*t
- If you're having difficulties choosing between two potential girls, you'll always choose the wrong one
- If it seems perfect today, tomorrow it will end
- If a girl tells you, "Let's stay friends," she won't call you again. If you call, she won't answer
- You'll always catch a fever before the first date
- Never make love in your back garden. Love is blind, but not your neighbors
- Or in another version
- Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener
- Regarding love and loss, doing the right thing always hurts
- Being honest with someone will always turn that person into an enemy
- When your girlfriend says you have to talk, the relationship is over
- The day you decide to tell your girlfriend you could not live without her, she will leave you the next day
- Your best friend stops being your best friend the instant a beautiful woman walks in and you both are...
- The more you want a woman, the less she will like you
- When she says, "Don't buy me anything expensive," and you listen, expect to be single
- Even the most beautiful woman in the world has at least one guy who is tired of her
- If you marry a beautiful girl, she'll turn into her mother
- If you marry a plain girl, she'll turn into her dad
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. But they never said anything about their daughter
- The mother of the man, or the father of the woman you love, will invariably hate you
- The best men (or women) are always taken--or crazy
- When you take your time getting ready, your date will arrive 20 minutes early; when you're on time...
- You will get married as soon as you break up with the man (or woman) who couldn't commit to you
- Good women/men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken
- Procrastination is a lot like masturbation; it feels good until you realize you're just fucking yourself
- Women are like boats
- Men are like buses
- Never forget
- Kracke/Malenka Law
- Walter/Kerwin Law
- The length of a relationship is directly related to how much you are attracted to your significant other's...
- No woman or man is better than two
- Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question - YES is the answer
- Romance is when common sense goes out the window
- Being told you're the nicest guy they know is the kiss of death
- Everybody is most horny when alone
- Beauty is directly proportional to the number of drinks consumed
- The other side's lawyers are always better than yours
- The partner you want doesn't want you
- Any "Why" question has no answer, and if it does, that answer is not logical
- Love will make people do stupid things
- Loving someone too much may cause a restraining order
- If you love a person, let them go. If they don't come back, they aren't worth it
- Sex ends all interest
- Cute now equals annoying later
- Not everything takes longer than you expect
- It's only kinky the first time you do it
- Halmos' law
- The love of your life will only want you back once you are in another serious relationship
- You don't pay for sex; you pay them to leave after you're done
- Beach law
- Seduction law
- The smartest statements will be thought of at the most inappropriate times. i.e., during a make-out...
- You never truly know a significant other until you meet them in court
- No matter how beautiful/wonderful s/he may seem, there's always someone out there who's sick and tired of...
- The boyfriend of the girl you like is an asshole
- If they want to dump you, they will find a reason
- The Love Math Law
- Marriage is like a dog with a bone. He might not touch it, but he just doesn't let other dogs come near it
- Everything that glitters is not WET
- When you finally bed the attractive blond, they'll nick your wallet and watch, unless you owe them fifty quid
- Marriage is the ending of a perfectly good sex life
- Albert Einstein's Law of Gravity
- The difference between love and the common cold is that there is a vaccine for the common cold
- The Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson law for celebrity couples is Persona-polarization
- The Carmen Electra/ Dennis Rodman corollary
- If you love them, they don't love you
- Rebillot's Law of Infertility