Murphy's Military Police Laws

Contrary to popular belief, O.C. IS an area effect weapon. Sent by Darrell A. Pierce.

- Darrell A. Pierce

Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lie down - if you can lie down, you might as well nap.

Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.

Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.

Suspects always hide in the last place you look.

Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.

The alley you sprint down is the wrong alley.

Your two-minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.

Empty guns aren't.

Take off your hat, and the MP Duty Officer appears.

You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.

Contrary to popular belief, general officers don't get tickets.

The lowest bidder made your weapon.

Fatalities always occur at the end of the shift - or when it rains and snows.

The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the number of stairs you'll have to climb.

The dependent who screams when you don't show up quickly, also shouts when you do.

The suspect will escape just before you set up a good perimeter.

If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to.

You'll find the suspect you want when you're off-duty and unarmed.

The helicopter will always be low on fuel once you need it.

Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you.

Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you need light.

Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately.

The thing you need will be left behind at the MP Station.