Murphy's Military Police Laws

• Your brassard and badge will not stop bullets.
• If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
• Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.
• When in doubt, empty your shotgun.
• Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you.
• Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives.
• If your response goes well, you're at the wrong barracks.
• Your Patrol Supervisor will show up when you're doing something really stupid.
• The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call.
• The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
• The Desk Sergeant will want it changed, no matter how you write it.
• If you charge alone, you will be shot by your officers.
• The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
• The important things are always simple.
• The simple things are always difficult.
• The easy ways are always blocked.
• The shortcuts are always under construction by the post engineers.
• Anything you do can get you in trouble - including doing nothing.
• Don't forget to tell the brass when you've secured a crime scene.
• Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic.
• It only becomes a riot right after you show up.
• You'll have an accident if you take out the newest patrol car.
• No street-wise unit ever passed inspection.
• No inspection-ready unit ever makes it on the streets.
• The thing you need will be left behind at the MP Station.
• Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately.
• Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you need light.
• Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you.
• The helicopter will always be low on fuel once you need it.
• You'll find the suspect you want when you're off-duty and unarmed.
• If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to.
• The suspect will escape just before you set up a good perimeter.
• The dependent who screams when you don't show up quickly, also shouts when you do.
• The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the number of stairs you'll have to climb.
• Fatalities always occur at the end of the shift - or when it rains and snows.
• The lowest bidder made your weapon.
• Contrary to popular belief, general officers don't get tickets.
• You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off.
• Take off your hat, and the MP Duty Officer appears.
• Empty guns aren't.
• Your two-minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away.
• The alley you sprint down is the wrong alley.
• Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies.
• Suspects always hide in the last place you look.
• Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.
• Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
• Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.
• Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lie down - if you can lie down, you might as well nap.
• Contrary to popular belief, O.C. IS an area effect weapon. Sent by Darrell A. Pierce.