Murphy's Miscellaneous Laws

A man walking through the turnstiles backwards, going to Bangkok. Sent by Peter Elsner.
Never look up when dragonflies fly overhead. Sent by Peter Elsner.
Everybody wants to use the bathroom at the same time. Sent by Barbu Ionel.
The squeakiness of floorboards is directly proportional to the need to remain unnoticed. Sent by Lawman.
You might forget your past, but your past will never forget you. Sent by Mlungisi Khanyile.
Given a controversial, immoral issue, enough leeway in mainstream society, it will become the norm. Sent by Mike.
All generalizations are false, including this.
You need something the most, only after you realize you've permanently lost it. Sent by Meshman.
Spending enough time and money can explain all human behavior psychologically. Sent by Asier Zabarte.
Corollary: Even the most repulsive. Sent by Asier Zabarte.
Everything gets worse with time except wine. And even that, not always. Sent by Asier Zabarte.
The early bird suffers from insomnia. Sent by Divya.
History is like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue forever. Sent by Roger.
Everything that is countable is too little. Sent by Israel Koren.
Corollary: Everything that is measurable is too small. Sent by Israel Koren.
Generalization: If you can quantize it, it is too small. Sent by Israel Koren.
Your nose always itches when your hands are tied. Sent by Tvoung.
When you believe you have seen the utmost of one's stupidity, they never cease to amaze you and go one step further. Sent by Viet Nguyen.
Life stinks, then you have a heart attack, get paraplegic, and find yourself forced to say that it wasn't that bad after all. Sent by Oscar Bergna.
JKash's law: When you need gum for your breath in the morning, you can't find any. Sent by Jeff Kashat.
Corollary: The person you'll ask won't have any either. Sent by Jeff Kashat.
Corollary: If they have gum, it will be in a flavor that you don't like. Sent by Jeff Kashat.
You cannot stop the ongoing love affair between pasta sauce and a white dress shirt. Sent by Ana M.
Your parents' advice only makes sense 20 years after they gave it to you. Sent by Ana M..
Your cell phone always falls on the hardest part of the ground. Sent by Mohamed.
Friends come and go. Enemies gather. Sent by Jan Terhag.
Kent's Law: A web page is only a page until it's printed. Then it can be any number of pages. Sent by Kent.
What is history? The last kick of the victor in the pants of the defeated. Sent by Tony Halmos.
If you have a 50% chance of being right, you're wrong 90% of the time. Sent by Larry Oram.
Anything by Nothing Equals Everything (Any number divided by zero equals infinite). Sent by Divya.
Whenever you don't want to do something, it is exactly when it needs to be done. Sent by Peter Norman Scott.
The weakest link is the most stable one. Sent by Jungsonn.
The surest way to be late is to have plenty of time. Sent by John.
After trying to get something apart (or together) for 90 minutes, you find a clip that completes the job in 30 seconds (tried and tested many times). Sent by Colin Hadden.
Clothes that are labeled (non-run) aren't. Sent by Colin Hadden.
The height of foolishness is to believe red or black die doesn't run. Sent by Colin Hadden.
The more certain you are that your thought is original, the more obscure the source from which you accidentally plagiarized it. Sent by Jesse Janowiak.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that mother@#?!&* upside the head. Sent by Soljah.
Nothing succeeds like success. Sent by Lakshman.
Behind every successful man is a woman. The further behind the woman, the better the chances of his success. Sent by Lakshman.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it. Sent by Yogendra Jagdish Saraogi.
The Inverse Law of Ninja: In a movie, a single Ninja is an unstoppable, semi-immortal, and mysterious killing machine. As their number increases, the ninja becomes more of a fumbling idiot. Sent by Franco.
Corollary: Also applies to thugs, mobsters, gangs, and superheroes. Sent by Franco.
The item you need the most will always be at the bottom of the pack. Sent by Drew, a longtime backpacker
Whenever you get a great, original idea, it's when you forget the idea.
Any good idea you ever had will just be attributed to someone else once you tell someone about it.
If you hold a hammer, everything around you will look like a nail. Sent by Hussein Nagji.
If you try to be better than worse, you'll be better at being worse. Sent by Richard Barrere.
Nothing is definite. Sent by Alan Keffer.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Corollary: This law still applies when you move next door. Sent by Maria Teresa Garrido.
Why violence when there is vengeance? Sent by Juan Felipe Triviño.
In stores, the other line always moves faster. Sent by Mike Ciolek.
Clicking your heels three times means you've fallen and can't get up. Sent by fayef820@aol.com.
Binil's law of greed: Enough is never enough. Sent by Binil Jacob Abraham.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate. Sent by Jan Wenall.
Things can't get worse if you were born an Amazon pygmy cannibal. Sent by Les Benton.
Moral beliefs tend to be like laws in crowded places. Sent by Michael Castillo.
If there's a flat surface, someone will put something on it. Sent by Sheela.
Don't leapfrog with a unicorn. Sent by Patrice Rueda.
A non-smoker among smokers will always be upwind. Sent by Prashant Talnikar.
A Camel is a Horse made by a committee. Sent by S.T. El-Said.
A committee is the only life form with 12 stomachs and no brains. Sent by S.T. El-Said.
The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. Sent by Karen Hertzberg.
A person's happiness is inversely related to the number of timepieces they own. Sent by Joe Weiss.
If you have a clear mind, you don't get to think. Sent by Mohammed Ram Jackson.
To be a successful person, you must succeed. Sent by Mohammed Ram Jackson.
A person who writes a law has never experienced it before. Sent by Mohammed Ram Jackson.
Given the current workload, the light at the end of the tunnel has been cut. Sent by Frank Teunissen.
It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. - Lord Palmerston. Sent by Frank Teunissen.
A heavy frozen roast, stored on a freezer shelf, 5 feet from the ground, will fall on the most vulnerable toe available. Sent by Rikki.
Corollary: Following that, it will try to bounce to the other foot, with a 50% chance of success. Sent by Rikki.
The Voice of Experience never says until it's too late. Sent by Rikki.
If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed. Sent by Richard Bobbitt.
When sitting in the audience watching a sports event among 60,000 other spectators, you pick your nose only when you are on national TV. Sent by Calle, Finland.
If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll eventually break it. Sent by Hughie W. Sprinkle.
Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will kill you. Sent by Hughie W. Sprinkle.
Man is the only animal able to retrace his steps to make the mistakes previously avoided. Sent by Rafael Juarez.
The greater the number of people involved in a social function, the less intelligent each participant becomes. Sent by Rafael Juarez.
A plea for justice is often a claim for injustice in one's favor. Sent by Rafael Juarez.
When dinner is on time, your spouse is late. Sent by Glenda Michelle Gable.
Corollary: When dinner is late, your spouse is on time. Sent by Glenda Michelle Gable.
Once you light up, the commercial starts. Sent by Montagumonty.
Sailor's Law: Never sail the boat where the birds are walking. Sent by Mark Sleeth.
Murphy's Fundamental Principle: If there are M ways to do a thing, and out of M, N ways lead to the wrong conclusion, then the probability of doing it in one of those N ways is 1. Sent by Sagar Kalantre.
Corollary: Alternately, Everything that you do is wrong. Sent by Sagar Kalantre.
The more you say you'll win, the more difficult it is to come true. Sent by Mohammed Ram Jackson.
Even the darkest hour has only 60 minutes. Sent by ravichander.
Exception rule: Every rule has an exception, including this rule. Sent by Timothy Cama.
To clean up is to make a mess. Sent by Sonia Veelenturf.
Whenever a phone rings, it rings at least in pairs. Sent by Cemal Tashan.
If 50 people say something foolish, it is still silly.
Chris Corollary: If 1000 people say something foolish, they're most likely receiving an endorsement fee. Sent by Chris.
Never teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the Pig. Sent by F. Paul Webster.
A winner should quit; a quitter is sure to win. Sent by Khor Soon Seng.
Skepticism is to pessimism as doubt is to proof. Sent by Michael Smith.
Skeptics are blessed with ignorance, while pessimists are cursed with knowledge. Sent by Michael Smith.
Having is not always as pleasing as wanting. It is not logical, but I have observed it to be true. Spock to Stan. Sent by Mary J.
When you remember the trash needs taking out, the garbage truck is two doors down. Sent by Daniel Ellery.
Sooner or later, you will spill your beer. Sent by Mike Berneathy.
Never open a pill bottle over the bathroom sink. Sent by Mike Berneathy.
The most precise measuring instrument known to man for finding the center underneath a parked vehicle is a ball used in a very enjoyable lawn game. This will not work if other balls are available. Sent by Fred Wickens.
Anything that can go wrong will happen one hour before you are supposed to leave on vacation. Sent by Nick Hlavacek.
Anything that can go wrong will, one hour before the three-day weekend starts. Sent by Nick Hlavacek.
Anything that can go wrong will, an hour before closing on Friday. Sent by Nick Hlavacek.
No system is so perfect that it can't be made to work. Sent by Michael Davis.
During any endeavor, you will always see the winning move right after you've executed the losing one. Sent by Kit Balmer.
The less you have to paint, the more paint you get. Sent by Megan, she knows this from experience.
When you're riding a bike, it will rain. Lube something good, and it only gets better. Lube something bad, and it only gets worse. Sent by Pixel.
To check the spelling of a word in the dictionary, you have to know how it's written. Sent by Jean Chartier.
Pens sent through the dryer intentionally never break, but those sent by accident always attack white clothes. Sent by Norman Horn.
Nobody is incompetent. Incompetence is just incompetence. Sent by Bhaskar Tatwawadi, Mumbai, India.
Coincidence does not exist; everything happens for a random reason. Sent by Dre.
Dato's Law: Wishes expand in direct proportion to the resources available for gratification. Sent by Dr. Robert Dato from The Dato Leadership Institute.
Anything that can be misused will be misused (legal loopholes, marketing information, etc.). Sent by Craig Leffel.
Law of Complexity: Everything is more complicated than it looks at first. Sent by Kurt Schurenberg.
Corollary: The Law of Complexity is recursive. Sent by Kurt Schurenberg.
The time you have to wait before bed increases proportionally to how tired you are. Sent by Harry Potter.
Assaf's Law of Advice: The only people less likely to follow your advice than those who receive it unsolicited are those who ask for it. Sent by Francis Assaf.
If you're happy, don’t worry, you’ll get over it. Sent by Christa.
If you have no problems, you have no clue what is happening. Sent by Christa.
Murphy's law will apply to you when you know you are lucky. If you know Murphy will hit you anytime, he won't, but then you will know he won't, so he will. Sent by Jay Novack.
Murphy's Law is unconstitutional, but will never be repealed. Sent by Poetjds.
It is a fact that everything in the universe moves counterclockwise. Sent by Safwan Aumari.
Opitz's law: Good luck is inversely proportional to good timing. Sent by Albert J. Opitz.
You'll first have to do the last thing you wished for. Sent by Oscar Sz.
The first thing to break is the irreparable. Sent by Oscar Sz.
Keys dropped near an open elevator door will always fall down the crack.
It will cost you more to get them out than to get a second set cut. Graham, an elevator technician, sent this, so he knows.
The more skilled you are at something, the worse it is when showing someone. Sent by -?Anonymous!
If someone ever said that something wouldn't go wrong in a billion years, they said it a billion years ago. Sent by -?Anonymous!
The one you buy will be the only one that doesn't work. Sent by -?Anonymous!
When playing board games involving quizzes, etc., you will always know the answers to everyone else's questions, but never your own. Sent by Darren.
The future is like now, but it will be longer. Sent by Paul.
Zuhnic Laws of Plagiarism: If you put a law into your own words, you can name it after yourself. Sent by Kevin Zuhn.
Comment: Consider many laws from this site, though not this one. Sent by Kevin Zuhn.
Corollary: If you notice that one of the laws you read came from a different source, it was either completely innocent or malevolent. Sent by Kevin Zuhn.
If your plane is about to crash, the parachutes are missing. Sent by Steve Chevalier.
Aquarium Laws: Every aquarium will eventually leak. Sent by Michael Thompson.
Corollary: Every fish will eventually die. Sent by Michael Thompson.
If your dog suffers from diarrhea, it will happen between when the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together. Sent by Tom McClellan from Drop in for Coffee.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Sent by Shai Waisel.