Murphy's Music Laws

Trotter's Law of Percussion Music: Percussionists will consistently lose their music as a concert approaches. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: All parts will be lost at least once, and percussionists will not admit to losing any music until they are caught faking them. Sent by Emily Stewart.
The Uncertainty Principle: The location of all auxiliary percussion instruments cannot be known simultaneously. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: If a lost percussion item is found, another will disappear. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Percussion Travel Principle I: On every band trip, one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Percussion Travel Principle II: On every band trip, one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the performance site. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Diminishing Quality Rule to the Percussion Won't Travel Principle: At any festival, one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with another school's. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: The one you pick up will be lower quality. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Law of Lost Drumsticks: Percussionists will lose sticks. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: Percussionists always claim the sticks were stolen. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: The lost sticks will be found the day after new ones are bought. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Stidman's Law of Doors: The largest of the timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Murphy's Law on Instruments: An instrument always breaks at the worst time. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: The instrument will belong to a first chair player. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Baldwin's Law: Instruments are easier to break than to fix. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Wyszkowski's Law: Anything will work if you fiddle with it long enough. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Principles of Instrument Repair: When tightening a woodwind key, a screwdriver of the correct size will be missing. Sent by Emily Stewart.
All available pads will be the wrong size. When replacing a woodwind pad. Sent by Emily Stewart.
When accidentally dropped, a pad rolls to the least accessible part of the bandroom. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Law of Diminishing Repairs: Three others will malfunction after restoring one key on a woodwind instrument. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Mouthpiece Inertia Principle: Brass mouthpieces are easier to jam than to dislodge. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Halbrook's Axiom: A stuck key will work perfectly when the repairman tries it. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Law of Selective Operation: Brass valves will stick on contest days. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: They will not stick when the conductor tries them. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: They will stick again when the student resumes playing. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Richard's Complimentary Rule of Ownership: If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: If you throw something, you need it the next day. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Communication Principle: When a conductor gives students letters for parents, 15% will be left on music stands, 25% will be inside the music, 15% will rot in instrument cases, 15% will be left in lockers, 15% will crawl under the student's bed, and 15% of the parents will receive the letter. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Tillis' Organisational Principle: If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, but never know where it is. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Left-Right Principle: At least one person is out of step in any orchestra. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: It is usually the same person. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Reeley's Principle: Any piece you choose as a closing number will have a final note one step higher than the first trumpet can play. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Small Band Dilemma: The drum major is always the best trumpeter. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Bogan's Law of Bus Trips: Bus breakdowns always occur on the longest trips. Sent by Emily Stewart.
RT + 1 Principle: The scheduled return time of any trip will be one hour earlier than the actual return. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: This happens even when you plan the return time by an extra hour. Sent by Emily Stewart.
RT + 3 Principle: You will have to wait at least another two hours for the last parent to pick up a child. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Blind Leading the Blind Principle: Band members playing correctly will always follow the players playing incorrectly. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Murphy's Law of Small Band Sight-Reading: Invariably, the melody will be in an instrument you do not have. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: Cues will not be provided. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: If provided, they will be in the parts of your weakest section. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Bidewell's Score Maxim: You must conduct from a condensed score. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Murphy's Music Stand Principle: The music stand you get will wobble. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Reely's Adaptation of Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction: If you take a music stand down and put it up enough times, eventually you will have two of them. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Diminishing Concentration Principle I: Secretaries always interrupt rehearsal when concentration levels peak. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Diminishing Concentration Principle II: Players late for rehearsal always sit in the centre of the band. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Horn's Law of Teachers' Meetings: After-school meetings always occur on the day of an important after-school rehearsal. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Missing Mute Principle: At least one mute will vanish from the brass section at any rehearsal. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Extended Rest Theorem: The longer the rests, the less likely a section will enter after them. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Contest Pronunciation Principle: If a name can be mispronounced as the programme is being introduced, it will. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Recruiting Ratio Principle I: For every student wanting to play clarinet, six will wish to play alto sax. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Recruiting Ratio Principle II: For every student wanting to play alto sax, seven will wish to play snare drum. Sent by Emily Stewart.
The "There's Another Hole in the Dam" Principle: Fix one spot in the music and another spot falls apart. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Alternate Amnesia Axiom: Any alternate fingerings taught will be promptly forgotten. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Lost and Found Principle of Music Folders: At least one music folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: It will usually be the same player. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: The folder will not have a name if it is not for the same player. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Say It Again, Sam Law: Even if everything is explained perfectly, there will still be a question. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: You will have just answered the question one minute before it was asked. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Beginning Players Concert Law: One video camera will be provided for every three beginning musicians. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Premature Deafness Ratio: A conductor's hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists are started each year. Sent by Emily Stewart.
McMurray's Programme Principle: At least one name will be left off the concert programme. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: It will be the child of the head teacher. Sent by Emily Stewart.
McMurray's Second Programme Rule: If two ways to spell a name exist, the wrong one will be selected. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Murphy's Law of Clapping: If the audience can clap at the wrong time, they will. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Cymbal Cuing Principle I: Cue the cymbal player, or he will not enter. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Cymbal Cuing Principle II: Cue the cymbal player, who still will not enter. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Law of Selective Acoustics: The percussion section always sounds louder when the judges sit. It cannot be heard from the podium. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Hatch's Law of Clarinet Squeaks: Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most exposed sections of the music. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Fillmore's March Law: It will if a march can be rushed. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: A march rushes in proportion to a band's inability to play it quickly. Sent by Emily Stewart.
The Play It Again Sam Axiom: Three other bands will play your toughest piece at concert festivals. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: All three perform before you do, and play it better. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Surprise Symphony Principle: At least one section of the music that sounded perfect in rehearsal will go haywire. Sent by Emily Stewart.
The Punctuality Paradox: Give a strongly worded lecture about punctuality, and you will be late for the next performance. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Bidewell's Transition Principle: You are never as good as the previous conductor. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Anderson's Solution: When in doubt, blame problems on the previous conductor. Sent by Emily Stewart.
The Lowest Common Denominator Principle: A parent talks about the pop selection played after a concert and says nothing about the test piece. Sent by Emily Stewart.
The Least Credible Sentence in Conducting: One more time. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Emily's law on cellphones states that at least one cellphone will ring during a rehearsal or concert. The conductor explicitly spoke about turning them off the day before.
Emily's law on "gran pausa": If a "gran pausa" exists in the piece, at least one musician will keep playing. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: He will play fortissimo. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Corollary: He will play out of tune. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Emily's Difficult Passage Law: The chances of a conductor asking a section to play a passage by themselves in the rehearsal are directly proportional to the difficulty of the passage and how well the people can play it. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Emily's law on pencils: String players will not have a pencil the day the conductor gives new bowings or fingerings. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Emily's law on practicing: A difficult passage practiced for hours will not be played correctly. Once the student plays it for the teacher, the more he practices, the less likely he is to play correctly during the lesson. Sent by Emily Stewart.
Emily's Repertoire Law: The more the student hates a specific piece, the more likely he is to have to play it. Sent by Emily Stewart.