Murphy's Music Laws

Emily's Repertoire Law: The more the student hates a specific piece, the more likely he is to have to play it.

- Emily Stewart

Emily's law on practicing: A difficult passage practiced for hours will not be played correctly. Once the student plays it for the teacher, the more he practices, the less likely he is to play correctly during the lesson.

- Emily Stewart

Emily's law on pencils: String players will not have a pencil the day the conductor gives new bowings or fingerings.

- Emily Stewart

Emily's Difficult Passage Law: The chances of a conductor asking a section to play a passage by themselves in the rehearsal are directly proportional to the difficulty of the passage and how well the people can play it.

- Emily Stewart

Emily's law on "gran pausa": If a "gran pausa" exists in the piece, at least one musician will keep playing.

- Emily Stewart

Emily's law on cellphones states that at least one cellphone will ring during a rehearsal or concert. The conductor explicitly spoke about turning them off the day before.

The Least Credible Sentence in Conducting: One more time.

- Emily Stewart

The Lowest Common Denominator Principle: A parent talks about the pop selection played after a concert and says nothing about the test piece.

- Emily Stewart

Anderson's Solution: When in doubt, blame problems on the previous conductor.

- Emily Stewart

Bidewell's Transition Principle: You are never as good as the previous conductor.

- Emily Stewart

The Punctuality Paradox: Give a strongly worded lecture about punctuality, and you will be late for the next performance.

- Emily Stewart

Surprise Symphony Principle: At least one section of the music that sounded perfect in rehearsal will go haywire.

- Emily Stewart

The Play It Again Sam Axiom: Three other bands will play your toughest piece at concert festivals.

- Emily Stewart

Fillmore's March Law: It will if a march can be rushed.

- Emily Stewart

Hatch's Law of Clarinet Squeaks: Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most exposed sections of the music.

- Emily Stewart

Law of Selective Acoustics: The percussion section always sounds louder when the judges sit. It cannot be heard from the podium.

- Emily Stewart

Cymbal Cuing Principle II: Cue the cymbal player, who still will not enter.

- Emily Stewart

Cymbal Cuing Principle I: Cue the cymbal player, or he will not enter.

- Emily Stewart

Murphy's Law of Clapping: If the audience can clap at the wrong time, they will.

- Emily Stewart

McMurray's Second Programme Rule: If two ways to spell a name exist, the wrong one will be selected.

- Emily Stewart

McMurray's Programme Principle: At least one name will be left off the concert programme.

- Emily Stewart

Premature Deafness Ratio: A conductor's hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists are started each year.

- Emily Stewart

Beginning Players Concert Law: One video camera will be provided for every three beginning musicians.

- Emily Stewart

Say It Again, Sam Law: Even if everything is explained perfectly, there will still be a question.

- Emily Stewart

Lost and Found Principle of Music Folders: At least one music folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal.

- Emily Stewart