Murphy's Office Laws

Murphy's Office Laws

  • The printer is either out of toner or there is no paper, only when the client asks for 10 copies of a 120-page report by evening. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • When you must get data from a CD, the CD drive will not even be detected. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: The day before, it worked fine. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: If the CD drive is working, the CD would be corrupted. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The network would snap when you explained an important point over a web conference call. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The telephones won't work when you need to call long-distance urgently. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: Somebody would be talking to his girlfriend on the only long-distance line. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • All emails except the most important one, which was sent way before, will find their way into your inbox. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The client will call only when you have left for a coffee break. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: When you call back, they won't be available. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • When you're busy, all your colleagues will chat just outside your cabin. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: When you don't have much work, all your colleagues will be busy. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Your security guard will insist you leave by 7:00 on the day you must stay till 10:00 to meet an important deadline. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The computer's display settings will only play havoc when you must finish a presentation by the afternoon. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Your vehicles in the parking lot would be the hardest to remove in an emergency. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Only when you want to piss urgently would all the urinals be taken. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The office assistant would be on leave only when you need him most. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The client would not have reviewed the report/brief before attending your well-rehearsed presentation. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The better your presentation, the less the impact. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • When the telephone operator leaves the board in night mode, all calls land only on your desk. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • When you attend a client's call at a colleague's desk and need to jot down something urgently, none of the pens on his desk will write. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: If a pen will write, you wouldn't find a piece of paper within reach. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • You'd find the important phone number or e-mail you had been looking for only after you had contacted that person through some other means. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • When you are out of the office, the most important phone call is attended by the least concerned of your colleagues, who don't even care to ask who it is or don't remember. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Only on the rarest days you come late, you'd bump into your boss smoking at the entrance. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The floppy that worked perfectly fine on your computer a few minutes ago will not open on your boss's or client's computer. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The coffee machine will be empty when you need coffee most. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • After a hard day of work, when starting your car at 11:00 pm to leave the office, you'll realize you've run out of gas. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • Corollary: After you run out of gas, you'll remember that the nearest gas station is at least 5 miles away. Sent by Indian Dreamer.
  • The stapler will be out of pins when needed. Sent by Vishwajeet.
  • A person's mail frequency varies inversely with the amount of work at hand. Sent by Anand Devsharma.
  • The authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of functions in his pocket calculator. Sent by Carlo Concato.
  • Assaf's Laws of Paperwork: When there are two possible forms to fill out on any given matter, the wrong form is always filled out first. Sent by Francis Assaf.
  • Corollary: The wrong form is not discovered until it has been signed by all parties concerned, sealed, and delivered. Sent by Francis Assaf.
  • Corollary: Once the right form has been filled out, signed by all parties concerned, sealed, and delivered, it turns out it was filled out wrong. Sent by Francis Assaf.
  • Paper is always strongest at the perforations. Sent by Robin.
  • The 90-90 Rule of Project Management states that the first 90% of a project requires 90% of the allotted time, and the remaining 10% takes another 90%. Sent by Bill Pramik.
  • Copier's law: The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.