Murphy's Photography Laws

You are not Ansel Adams.
Corollary: Neither are you Herb Ritz.
Automatic Cameras - aren't.
Auto Focus - won't.
If you can't remember, you left the film at home.
No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting.
When in doubt, motor out.
The lab will lose the film if a photo shoot goes too smoothly.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Success occurs when no one is looking; failure occurs when the Client is watching.
The most critical roll of film is fogged.
If you forgot, you did not rewind the film.
Photo Assistants are essential; they give photographers someone to yell at.
The one item, batteries, film, etc. What you need is always missing.
Interchangeable parts - aren't.
Long-life batteries only last for a couple of rolls.
The weather never cooperates.
Everything always works in your head.
Corollary: Everything always fails on location.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the Pulitzer.
Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be.
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do.
Things that must be shipped together as a set - won't.
No photojournalist is well-dressed.
No well-dressed photographer is a photojournalist.
Professional photographers are predictable.
Corollary: The world is full of dangerous amateurs.
The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions:
When animals are ready.
When you're not.
Corollary: Same rule, just substitute animals with children.
Client Intelligence is a contradiction.
There is no such thing as a perfect shot.
The important things are always simple.
Corollary: The simple things are always difficult.
Flashes will fail as soon as you need them.
A clean and dry camera is a magnet for dust, mud, and moisture.
Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it.
The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy, as is his deviousness and mischievousness.
The lens that falls is always the most expensive.
When you drop a lens cap, the inside part always lands face down in the mud.
Bugs always want to land on the mirror during a lens swap.
Your batteries will always go dead, or you will have to put in a new film canister at the most inopportune moment.
Your batteries will always die during a long exposure with the shutter open.
When you shoot the night away and never have to stop, your film does not roll on to the take-up reel. Sent by Les Benton.
Cameras are designed with a built-in sensor that senses the anticipation to develop the film.
When the level of anticipation is highest, this sensor causes the back to flip open, exposing the film. Sent by Takura Razemba.
Lenses are attracted back to their source - hard rocks. Sent by Jason Antman.
Corollary: The more expensive the lens, the greater the attraction. Sent by Jason Antman.
No matter how long you've had a convention for marking film holders, you will forget it. Sent by Jason Antman.
Corollary: When exposing the once-in-a-lifetime shot. Sent by Jason Antman.
Safelights - aren't. Sent by Jason Antman.
A photographer's excitement increases the chance of fogging film, scratching prints, and deleting files. Sent by Jason Antman.
The success of an assignment is inversely proportional to the product of its importance and the number of people watching. Sent by Jason Antman.
Strobes only explode when lots of people are watching. Sent by Jason Antman.
Corollary: Strobes only work when there is nobody else to see. Sent by Jason Antman.