Murphy's Teaching Laws

The instructor's room clock will be wrong.
Disaster will occur when visitors are indoors.
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
The time a teacher takes to explain is proportional to the information students retain.
A meeting's length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.
Students who are doing better are credited with working harder.
Corollary: If children start to do poorly, the teacher will be blamed.
The problem child will be a school board member's son.
We will meet the principal in the hall. When the instructor is late
If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal, the instructor is considered late to the faculty meeting.
New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
Good students move away.
When speaking to the school psychologist, the teacher will say, "weirdo" rather than "emotionally disturbed".
The school board will offer better pay before the teachers' union negotiates.
The instructor's study hall will be the largest in several years.
The administration will view the study hall as the teacher's preparation time.
Clocks will run faster during free time.
On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent
If the instructor teaches art, the principal will be an ex-coach and dislike art.
Corollary: If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state.
Murphy's Law will go into effect at the beginning of an evaluation.
Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
Laws of Class Scheduling I: If the course you wanted most has room for "n" students, you will be the "n+1" to apply.
Laws of Class Scheduling II: Class schedules are designed so that every student will waste the maximum time between classes.
Corollary: When you can occasionally schedule two classes in a row, they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus.
Laws of Class Scheduling III: A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the semester following the desired course.
Laws of Applied Terror I: When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible.
Laws of Applied Terror II: The more you study for the exam, the less sure you are of which answer they want.
Laws of Applied Terror III: Eighty percent of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed about the book you didn't read.
Laws of Applied Terror IV: Your Biology instructor will assign two hundred pages on planarians the night before the English history midterm.
Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
Laws of Applied Terror V: If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
Corollary: If the test is online, you will forget your password. Sent by Feenyx.
Laws of Applied Terror VI: At the end of the semester, you will recall having enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester, and never attending.
First Law of Final Exams: Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final.
Corollary: If you bring extra batteries, they will be defective.
Second Law of Final Exams: In your toughest final, the most distractingly attractive student in class will sit next to you for the first time.
Seeger's Law: Anything in parentheses can be ignored.
Natalie's Law of Calculus: You never catch on until after the test.
Seit's Law of Higher Education: The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester.
Rule of the Term Paper: The book or periodical most vital to completing your term paper will be missing from the library.
Corollary: The most important page will be torn out if available.
Duggan's Law of Scholarly Research: The most valuable quotation will be the one for which you cannot determine the source.
Corollary: The source for an unattributed quotation will appear in the most hostile review of your work.
Rominger's Rules for Students I: The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it.
Corollary: The more specific a title is, the less you can apply it later.
Hansen's Library Axiom: The closest library doesn't have the material you need.
London's Law of Libraries: No matter which book you need, it's on the bottom shelf.
Library Man's Laws: You won't find the books you checked out for that big project until after either the project or the books are due. Sent by Andrew Stephens, dedicated to the Centennial Branch Library of Circle Pines, MN.
The library will close 5 minutes before you remember leaving your book bag inside. Sent by Andrew Stephens, dedicated to the Centennial Branch Library of Circle Pines, MN.
Corollary: It will be Saturday and not open until Monday. Sent by Andrew Stephens, dedicated to the Centennial Branch Library of Circle Pines, MN.
Corollary: Your half-finished term paper is due Monday morning, and all your research will be inside. Sent by Andrew Stephens, dedicated to the Centennial Branch Library of Circle Pines, MN.
All librarians will be happy to help when you don't need it, but they will vanish when you have a question about the Dewey Decimal system. Sent by Andrew Stephens, dedicated to the Centennial Branch Library of Circle Pines, MN.
Dewey was drunk when he made the decimal system. Sent by Andrew Stephens, dedicated to the Centennial Branch Library of Circle Pines, MN.
Rominger's Rules for Teachers I: When a student asks for a second time if you have read his book report, he did not read the book.
Rominger's Rules for Teachers II: If attendance is mandatory, a scheduled exam will produce increased absenteeism.
Corollary: If attendance is optional, an exam will produce people you have never seen before.
Penza's law about math lessons: The porter will knock at the door at the most crucial point of the lesson. Sent by Simone Penzavalle.
Lancione's Law: You can't misspell numbers when you write them as digits. Sent by Sal Lancione.
The back of the room is never far enough. Sent by Dan Goldstein.
Students will never fail to disappoint. Sent by Grotblik.
The English language, e.g., is a problem when it's right. Sent by Michael.
Demerits from a teacher you hate are put on your permanent record. Sent by Lenny Quites.
Corollary: Merits from a teacher you hate are put on the permanent record of a student you hate even more. Sent by Lenny Quites.
The examination paper is always easier when you are not taking it. Sent by Jyotsna.
Law of the Compounding of Murphy's Law: All that has been accomplished by inserting the computer into the classroom combines two areas covered under Murphy's Law. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Universal Intelligence: The most ill-behaved student in a teacher's classes is always one of the bright ones he can't flunk. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Behavioral Management: Nothing like placing your nails on the chalkboard gets their attention. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Parental Dynamics: The worst chew-out from parents always comes from an incident their child lied about. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Law of Inanimate Motion, aka "Tendency to Sprout Legs": Anything firmly secured in place, regardless of size, will find its way out of the room. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Addendum: And cause a problem across the hall. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
Corollary: The likelihood of an object's disappearance varies directly with its capacity to cause a problem across the hall. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
You are ALWAYS wrong in your professor's eyes, so don't try. Sent by Ana M.
No matter how much you study for a test, you will be asked a question you don't know. Sent by David Poole.
When you study for easy tests, you fail miserably, but when you don't study for the hard ones, you pass with 100%.
When there's a teacher that everyone says you want, you end up with the ones you don't want.
Corollary: When you get the ones you want, they change their ways and decide to make the class hard.
If you know you are right, you are not. Sent by Brad Gochnauer.
To know more, sleep less. Sent by Jan Wenall.
You're not young enough to know it all. Sent by Jan Wenall.