Murphy's Technology Laws

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
A computer's attention span is only as long as its electrical cord.
An expert knows more and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
Corollary: Great discoveries are made by mistake.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All's well that ends well.
A meeting is when minutes are saved and hours are lost.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
New systems create new problems.
To err is human, but to foul things up requires a computer.
We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Arthur C. Clark
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.
Some people manage the book, even though they don't know who wrote it or what book it is.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
To spot the expert, choose the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Any circuit design must contain at least one obsolete part, two unobtainable parts, and three parts still under development.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
If you get the incorrect answer mathematically, multiply by the page number.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Corollary: Any system that depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Give all orders verbally. Never write anything that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
Under the most rigorously controlled pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it pleases.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds the competition already has the order.
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday.
Corollary: The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
The only perfect science is hindsight.
Work smarter and not harder, and be careful of your spelling.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If several things could go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one that goes wrong first.
Everything that goes up must come down.
Corollary: Not always. Sent by the Dark Templar.
Any instrument, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.
Any simple theory will be formulated in the most complicated way.
Build a system that even a fool can use. Only a fool will want to use it.
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the management level.
A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
The remaining work to finish to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
If there is ever the possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Sent by Anthony Johnson.
If something breaks and stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you no longer need it, are in the middle of something else, or don't want it fixed because you don't want to do what you were supposed to.
Each profession talks to itself in its language. There is no Rosetta Stone. Sent by Foes Arvin.
The more urgent the need for a decision, the less apparent the identity of the decision maker. Sent by Foes Arvin.
It is never wise to let a piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry. Sent by Charles L. Mays.
Don't fix something that ain't broke, 'cause you'll break it and still can't fix it. Sent by Chong Kwong Sheng.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Sent by Chong Kwong Sheng.
Corollary: Only by the splatter of bloodstains. Sent by Chong Kwong Sheng.
Dobie's Dogma: If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been informed. Sent by Richard Bobbitt.
A screw will never fit a nut. Sent by Kent Berg.
Standard parts - aren't. Sent by Kent Berg.
When working on a motor vehicle engine, any tool dropped will land directly under the engine's center. Sent by King Ed.
Interchangeable tapes - won't. Sent by Jeff Webb.
Never trust modern technology. Trust it only when it is old technology. Sent by The High Rabbit.
The bolt in the most awkward place will always be the one with the tightest thread. Sent by Stan Gajda. The most ominous phrase in science: "Uh-oh...". Sent by Yael Dragwyla.
The 2nd worst thing the tech can say is "Oops!" Sent by Guy Dunn.
Corollary: The worst thing you can hear the tech say is "oh s**t!" Sent by Guy Dunn.
Any example of hardware/software can be made foolproof. It cannot, however, be made damn-fool-proof. Sent by Guy Dunn.
The Rosemblat Graphic Insult Theory: When any technological change is made, we have a graphic insult curve. No matter how high the insult curve climbs, how long it goes is important. Sent by Leon Rossemblat.
Bahaman's Law: For any given software, the moment you master it, a new version of that software will appear. Sent by Bahaman.
Yakko's addition: The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most. Sent by Yakko.
In today's fast-moving tech environment, it is a requirement that we forget more than we learn. Sent by Beverly Harris.
It is simple to make something complex, and complex to make it simple. Sent by Fred Buterbaugh.
Measurements will be quoted in the least practical unit. Velocity, for example, will be measured in 'furlongs-per-fortnight'. Sent by Keith Hipkins.
In electronics repair, the part with the highest failure rate will always be located in the least accessible area of the equipment. Sent by Richard.
Multi-million pound technology is worthless in the hands of morons. Sent by Danny.
The rule of Protection: If you install a 50¢ fuse to protect a 100$ component, the 100$ component will blow to protect the 50¢ fuse. Sent by Bob Holdener.
The Imhoff Law: The largest chunks always rise to the top.
Comment: Karl Imhoff was a German engineer who developed sewage treatment systems in the early 1900s. His biggest contribution was the Imhoff Tank, which allows sewage to settle. Sent by P. R. Suhr.
High-tech man-year = 730 people trying to finish a project before lunch. Sent by Eric.
An expert will always state the obvious. Sent by Lawman.
The boss is always right. Sent by RC.
Corollary: If the boss is wrong, return to the rule. Sent by RC.
On a cruise ship, the one most important part you don't have in stock always breaks on a Friday evening, just when you leave the harbor, and the next time you will be in the harbor is a Sunday or Christmas Eve. Sent by Jouni Sironen, a long-time sound and light technician on cruise ships.
The chance a copy machine will break down is proportional to the importance of the material that needs to be copied and inversely proportional to the amount of time till the material will be required. Sent by Timothy Boilard.
The maintenance department neglects customers' complaints until it starts installing in customers' new projects. Sent by Khaled.
Murphy's Law on HVAC systems: An HVAC (Heating, Ventilating, and Air Conditioning) engineering firm will invariably lease office space in a building with a lousy HVAC system. Sent by Michael W. Murphy, who has worked in 6 HVAC firm offices and can back this law up.
All the engineers can do is shiver or sweat and moan about it, and say how they would fix it if the building owner gave a damn.
The probability of any machine breaking increases with the importance of the expected visit. Sent by Asier Zabarte.
If it works in theory, it won't work in practice. Sent by Kevin.
Corollary: if it works in practice, it won't work in theory. Sent by Kevin.
Research Law: No matter how clever and complete your research is, there is always someone who knows more. Sent by J. Lawrence Katz.
Somers' Law of Repair: No part ever fails where you can reach it, or where there is enough light to see how to replace it. Sent by John Somers.
Any tool dropped will fall where it can cause the most damage. Sent by Bill Selover.
Any wire cut to length will be too short. Sent by Bill Selover.
Equivalent replacement parts aren't. Sent by Bill Selover.
When you finally update to a new technology, everyone stops supporting it.
Interchangeable parts aren't. Sent by Trekker.
The proposed size of any project is inversely proportional to its eventual size. Sent by Jon Proesel.
Corollary: Any project that can consume more resources before reaching its final state will do so. Sent by Jon Proesel.
Corollary: It will happen faster than you think. Sent by Jon Proesel.
Corollary: The investors will not be happy. Sent by Jon Proesel.
The less intelligent the idea and the person stating it, the more likely it will be funded. Sent by Brad Gochnauer.
A man with one watch is certain about time, but a man with two watches isn't. Sent by Jan Wenall.
The more knowledge you gain, the less certain you are. Sent by Jan Wenall.
You're not an expert if you think you understand science, computers, or women. Sent by Jan Wenall.
Technicians are the only ones who don't trust technology. Sent by Jan Wenall.
All impossible failures will happen at the test site.
Corollary: All impossible failures will happen on the client's desktop. Sent by Dino Price.
The more you want to contact someone over an instant messenger, the more inversely proportional it is to the chances they will be online. Sent by Padme.
The more important your email is, the worse your email client will screw it up. Sent by Padme.
The degree to which a device will function is directly proportional to the number of times it has been bashed and inversely proportional to its cost. Sent by Takura Razemba.
A device with an indestructible core user serviceable component is deemed unsafe until it's replaced by an expensive, unobtainable, inefficient component that needs constant servicing. Sent by Takura Razemba.
Assaf's Laws of Replacement Parts: A failed 25¢ part cannot be replaced by a new 25¢ part, but by a sub-assembly whose cost is equal to or greater than that of the device needing the part.
Corollary: The cost and availability of a replacement part are inversely proportional to the price of the whole system: a $1500 device will fail because of the burnout of a 25¢ capacitor. But the 25¢ capacitor is either no longer manufactured, manufactured only by a company in Outer Mongolia with an 18-month backlog, or available only as part of a $1450 sub-assembly. Sent by Francis Assaf.
All mechanical and electrical equipment will catastrophically fail after the guarantee has expired unless an extended warranty has been purchased. Sent by Blair Murray.
The Harvard Principle: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of temperature, humidity, pressure, etc., the organism will do as it pleases. Sent by Bill Pramik.
First Law of Linear Equations: Given any system of n linear equations, there will be n+1 unknowns. Sent by Bill Pramik.
The disappearance of a nagging error in a system is explicable only in terms of the insignificant contribution of the source to that system. Sent by Manjunatha M., an application engineer.
The repairman will have never seen a model quite like yours before. Sent by Christa.
Law of Repairmen: The repairman fixes your machine to break down the next day and charges for a new machine. Sent by Eddy Cosma.