Murphy's Volunteer Bushfire Brigade Laws

Burning materials that require extinguishing by powder or gas will be treated with water. Sent by Shlomo Targan.

- Shlomo Targan

Chiefs are like diapers, always on your ass and full of shit. Sent by Sean.

- Sean

Captain on location with heavy panic showing. Sent by Sean.

CHAOS = Chiefs have arrived on scene. Sent by Sean.

As soon as hot food is served in the field, it rains. If only one solution for a field problem can be found, it is usually a stupid solution.

Success occurs when no one is looking; failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching.

The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command.

The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out.

Never be the first, never be the last, and never volunteer to do anything.

Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Corollary: The simple things are always difficult.

The important things are always simple.

If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid.

You aren't Superman.

The pump is the equipment that usually won’t start or jam when you need it the most.

Self-starters - won’t.

Leak-proof seals - will.

Interchangeable parts - don't.

You don't get field experience until just after you need it.

The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired.

The worse the weather, the more you must be in it.

A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain.

One Crew leader is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake.

Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do.