Murphy's Volunteer Bushfire Brigade Laws

• Don't look conspicuous. When you’re dealing with the public, this can lead to stupid questions. Back on Station, it can lead to Crew Leaders.
• There is always an easy way.
• Corollary: The easy way usually results in more damage done than less or is blocked by a large, pissed off dog who hasn't eaten in a week.
• When dealing with the public, try to appear unimportant. They may find someone else to ask that stupid question to.
• Falling trees have the right of way.
• Uniforms only come in two sizes: too small and too large.
• If your Captain can see you, then so can the public.
• Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it.
• Instead, worry about the falling tree addressed, "To whom it may concern".
• If orders can be misunderstood, they have been.
• It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps.
• Crew Leaders, not GOD, make priorities. There’s a difference.
• Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
• Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do.
• Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake.
• One Crew leader is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
• A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain.
• The worse the weather, the more you must be in it.
• The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired.
• You don't get field experience until just after you need it.
• Interchangeable parts - don't.
• Leak-proof seals - will.
• Self-starters - won’t.
• The pump is the equipment that usually won’t start or jam when you need it the most.
• You aren't Superman.
• If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid.
• The important things are always simple.
• Corollary: The simple things are always difficult.
• Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
• Never be the first, never be the last, and never volunteer to do anything.
• The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out.
• The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command.
• Success occurs when no one is looking; failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching.
• As soon as hot food is served in the field, it rains. If only one solution for a field problem can be found, it is usually a stupid solution.
• CHAOS = Chiefs have arrived on scene. Sent by Sean.
• Captain on location with heavy panic showing. Sent by Sean.
• Chiefs are like diapers, always on your ass and full of shit. Sent by Sean.
• Burning materials that require extinguishing by powder or gas will be treated with water. Sent by Shlomo Targan.